What are the Big Three Failure Philosophies and are they alive and well in your homes? Join AMBrewster as he helps parents identify and address the philosophies that are guaranteed to fail.
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I’d like to start today with a Victory Academy update. As many of you know, I’m the Lead Counselor at Victory Academy for Boys in Amberg, Wisconsin. We’re a boarding school for at-risk teens, and in just a few short weeks our current students will have completed their 10 month program and headed back home. It’s always a bittersweet time, but it’s also exciting because every year there are guys who are genuinely ready to return home and function in a Christ-honoring way.
One of our greatest goals is to help them correct their thinking. But what happens when they encounter sinful thinking? Will they be strong enough to stand for Christ?
To that end, I believe many us are vigilant to protect and prepare our kids from the wicked thinking of the world, but what about the flawed thinking in our houses?
In episode 42 we discussed the fact that we parents are the most potentially destructive influence in the life of our children. And one of the ways this happens is we pass on so much of our sinful selves onto them.
Let’s face it, out kids do more than look like us. They talk like us, walk like us, like what we like, and sin like us.
So, it’s to this end that we take a whole show to really pick apart this concept I call Failure Philosophies.
I’ve used that term often over the past months, but this will be the first time we discuss what they are, learn to see them in ourselves and others, and address them biblically.
But more on that in a minute.
Recently Susan left us a 5-star review on Facebook. She wrote,
“Just what I needed and right when I needed it. TLP is a breath of fresh air for this tired mom of five busy young boys, but also helpful for other relationships as well. Thank you for helping me to refocus on the fundamental issues and not just find band-aids for symptoms of the real problems. I'm recommending you to all my friends.”
Thank you for the recommendation and the awesome comments, Susan. We are eternally happy to walk beside you as you parent those five guys of yours.
And if you’d like rate and review us, I encourage you to do so on Facebook and/or iTunes. I look forward to reading what you wrote and sharing it here on the show.
Alright, so what is this whole Failure Philosophy business?
Well, no doubt there are many phrases regularly quoted in your home.
“If it’s not yours, don’t touch it.”
“Think before you speak.”
“It’s not done until it’s done right.”
One of the concepts repeatedly quoted in my home and ministry is:
“If your philosophy doesn’t work 100% of the time, you need a new philosophy.”
We spend a lot of time fleshing out the concept of “Failure Philosophies” with the boys here at Victory because it is incredibly valuable.
So, what is a Failure Philosophy?
Let me give you an example: The Bible tells us that
“The fool says in his heart, ‘There is no God.’” Psalm 14:1
This belief affects everything the fool does. How he relates to people, how he works, how he eats, and how we vacations are motivated – in part – by the faulty philosophy that God doesn’t exist. And because of this worldview, the fool is likely to experience the following failures:
So, how do we spot these Failure Philosophies in our lives and the lives of our family members?
Here are the big three Failure Philosophies to look out for:
1. Inconsistent Philosophies.
Inconsistent philosophies affect how I treat other people in relation to other people. If all things are equal, I should be treating all people equally.
In order to help others with their inconsistent Failure Philosophies, you will need to:
2. Hypocritical Philosophies.
Hypocritical philosophies affect how I treat other people in relation to how I want other people treating me. If all things are equal, I should treat people the same way I want them treating me.
And sometimes to justify their own sin, they’ll say, “Go ahead. Yell, I don’t care.”
But then I have to help them understand that technically it wouldn’t work that way. If it’s okay to sin against God by rebelling against our authority, and yelling and punching walls, and swearing, and walking away, then it should be okay for me to punch that person in the face for what they’re doing.”
And you know what. They never like that option because they’re hypocritical. They believe it’s okay to punish you for doing right even though they believe it’s terrible for you to correct them for doing wrong.
But what about us parents? How many times do we justify doing wrong because, “I’m the parent”? It’s okay for us to raise our voices when we don’t like what’s going on? It’s okay for us to swear, drink, smoke? It’s okay for us to watch movies we wouldn’t let our children watch? It’s okay for us to act emotionally? It’s okay to sneak snacks? Misuse God’s Word to get what we want? Speed? Doze off in church? Be lazy? Forget to do something you promised you were going to do?
You see, if we’re honest with ourselves, if “what’s good for the goose isn’t good the gander” then you may be living a Failure Philosophy.
Of course, there are plenty of instances where subjectivity sneaks into this category as well. I’m allowed to drive a car; my seven year old isn’t. It’s okay for me to have a phone that I use to glorify God even though my porn-watching teen isn’t allowed to have one.
The key is not to excuse sin in our lives as we condemn it in others.
In order to help others with their hypocritical Failure Philosophies, you will need to:
Okay, so the first Failure Philosophy was Inconsistent Philosophies that cause me to treat people differently when there’s no biblical reason to do so. The second was Hypocritical Philosophies which causes me to want people to treat me differently than I treat them for non-biblical reasons. And the third category of Failure Philosophies is . . .
3. Delusional Philosophies
Delusional philosophies affect how I respond to God’s Absolute Truth. If all things are as God says they are, I need to trust His Word.
In order to help others with their delusional Failure Philosophies, you will need to:
I hope this has been beneficial for you. This is an idea we’ll have to revisit with ourselves, our spouses, our children, our friends, our coworkers, and our strangers all of the time. It’s the foundation of evangelism and discipleship. It’s the core of our relationship with God – will I choose to believe what He says or reject His Truth?
We must embrace God’s Perfect Philosophy if we hope to be successful in any area of life!
I hope the PDF notes at TruthLoveParent.com will be helpful as you revisit the big three Failure Philosophies in your home.
Well, many schools across the nation are already out or they will be soon, and no doubt some of your kids are already planning the amazing adventures they want to have with their friends this summer. On our next episode we’ll discuss a hugely significant rite of passage most of your kids will want to participate in . . . but should you let them? Join us next time for that discussion.
And I’d like to invite you to check out our Patreon page. Just click the “Support TLP” link to see our ministry goals, and get some behind-the-scenes seek peeks as to what was going on in episode 60!
Remember, God’s philosophies are the only ones that are guaranteed to succeed. Every idea or thought or dream or belief in our family that contradicts God’s reality is doomed to failure. Take some time this week to help your kids see life the way God does and root out those Failure Philosophies.
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