Click the link below to download the PDF.
Alright, today’s discussion is a big one. Today we talk about children and sexuality.
First, let me say that I want this discussion to be valuable for parents of younger and older children. I will include examples throughout of how this is not simply an “older kid” parenting challenge. So, regardless of the ages of your kids, please stick around. By the way, you may not want this episode playing with your littles around. That’s totally up to you, but I thought I’d point out the elephant in the room.
Also, I know that many of you may have found this episode or transcript because you were searching online, and you potentially have neither heard nor read the previous five parts of this series. Listen, it’s extremely important that you listen to the series in order. We’re in the middle of unpacking the biggest parenting challenges all parents will ever face, but they’re not disconnected behaviors or experiences. They’re all inextricably related.
Not only that, but we’ve been working from the most root challenge to the more peripheral challenges. And if you’re wondering how sexuality could be a “peripheral” parenting challenge, you definitely need to check out those first episodes. You won’t regret it.
Our biggest goals with this series are to . . .
But being able to understand and address them biblically means that we have to learn how they are inter-related.
Okay, so that’s my disclaimer.
By the way, if you’re not following TLP on social media, you’re missing out on some fantastic content. We love to redeem your newsfeed by sharing resources, challenges, and images that will equip you to parent for life and godliness.
If you’re going to spend any time on social media, you really need to make sure you’re filling your eyes with Christ-honoring content, and we want to help with that.
Don’t forget to check out our blog, Taking Back the Family, for our free episode notes and transcripts, and get in the habit of checking out our giveaways page so that you don’t miss an opportunity to win an amazing free biblical parenting resource.
Okay, let’s talk about sexuality.
Let’s start with a short history lesson. I’m going to reference three events that it will be helpful to understand.
The first event is the Sexual Revolution.
The Sexual Revolution that started in the 1920’s primarily affected the lower class and fringe citizens. Now, I don’t want to be too general in my description, but the Sexual Revolution was promoted mainly by those fighting for their right to get drunk. But this dingy, back-room thinking was still considered base and dirty by the average American. Therefore, many young people were easily sheltered from its effects.
The second event is the Sexual Liberation.
What’s interesting is — even though they focused on more extreme forms of sexuality — those who promoted the Sexual Liberation in the 1960’s managed to force their beliefs into a much wider swath of the mainstream culture. There wasn’t a class or demographic that wasn’t affected by the shifting tide of sexual thought. This made it far more accessible and culturally acceptable — especially to young people.
And the third, most recent event I call the Sexual Explosion.
The Sexual Explosion of the 2000’s hasn’t merely pile-drived its way into the majority of American homes . . . its highjacked nearly every facet of our lives. Today, sinful sexuality is not only considered acceptable by the majority of young people, but it’s the practical life-blood of our culture. In fact, to reject the Sexual Explosion’s teachings is to be abnormal, intolerant, and worthless.
And I believe — even though there were about 40 years in-between the Revolution and Liberation and another 40 years between the Liberation and the Explosion — it’s not going to be long before we experience the Sexual Abomination. I’ll explain this more later because that’s the current direction of most first-world countries.
But, you know, all of this should make sense to anyone who’s been following this series.
The moment I don’t trust God to keep me secure, I am now responsible for providing my own safety and satisfaction. That means I’ll use all of my technology to gain more and more of it. This will inevitably instill in me a sense of self-autonomy that will drive me to reject any and all authorities who don’t help me gain the security I want.
The moment I don’t need anyone telling me how to live is the moment I get to decide what’s right and wrong. And every time people get to define their own morality they will always start by redefining God’s most sacred institutions, words, and behaviors.
They’ve already dethroned God, at that point there’s nothing sacred.
So, when we open the Scriptures, the very first concept we see is the existence and awesomeness of God. From there, one of the very first concepts to which we’re introduced and which continues throughout the rest of the Bible is the concept of sexuality. This includes biological sex as well as the act of intercourse. And in the first five books of the Bible alone God has already dealt with gender, adultery, polygamy, homosexuality, incest, and beastiality.
Yes, this topic is a big deal, and yes our children will be influenced by it early and often.
In fact, in America the World is trying to force aberrant ideas about sexuality in front of increasingly younger audiences. It used to be that it was completely inappropriate to talk about sex at all with any children. But now people are literally fighting for the opportunity to expose kids to transgenderism, homosexuality, and drag.
In addition to that, more and more people are advocating to make sexual relations with minors legal. That means that more and more people are going to be grooming younger and younger children for their wicked atrocities.
Now, unless you follow the bad advice we discussed last time and try to shelter your kids from any and all morality but your own, your kids are going to come in contact with children’s shows, magazines, online content, music, movies, books, and shows where they promote a view of sexuality that contradicts God’s Word. And even if they don’t interact with any of those things, they’re likely going to interact with other children who have — other children who potentially believe what they’ve been taught and are even more persuasive than the original content.
That’s the climate in which your kids live.
I’m not saying any of this to scare us. If you’re frightened, then you’ve lost sight of God.
I’m saying this so that we can be wise as serpents. Ignorant parents are more dangerous than a dull knife. We must be informed concerning God’s expectations, but we also need to know the influences in our children’s lives.
So, what do we do with this information.
First, I want to talk about how sexuality is a challenge for all parents.
Second, we’ll learn to see sexual sins for what they really are.
And third, I’ll mention some ideas to help you and your kids have success in the area of sexuality.
1. The Challenge of Sexuality
Sinful sexuality is a unique temptation. I believe Satan’s most powerful weapons are the ones that adulterate God’s most beautiful gifts.
God offers salvation through a relationship with Him, and Satan convinces us that we will only be saved by our own efforts.
God created religion as a way to worship Him with other believers, learn about Him, and disciple each other, but Satan perverts religion until it becomes one of the most violent and dangerous powers on the planet.
God created marriage and sex as an important physical picture of a glorious heavenly reality as well as a beautiful and enriching human relationship. What does Satan do? He perverts sexuality and marriage in every conceivable way.
But sex is uniquely alluring because of the physio-spiritual bond.
I Corinthians 6:16 tells us that “one who joins himself to a prostitute is one body with her? For [God] says, ‘The two shall become one flesh.’”
It’s not merely marriage that makes a man and a woman one flesh, sex does the same thing. Therefore, sinful sexuality transcends other sins committed against oneself and others because of the spiritually significant experience God created it to be.
Proverbs 6:27-35 asks, "Can a man take fire in his bosom And his clothes not be burned? 28 Or can a man walk on hot coals And his feet not be scorched? 29 So is the one who goes in to his neighbor’s wife; Whoever touches her will not go unpunished. 30 Men do not despise a thief if he steals To satisfy himself when he is hungry; 31 But when he is found, he must repay sevenfold; He must give all the substance of his house. 32 The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; He who would destroy himself does it. 33 Wounds and disgrace he will find, And his reproach will not be blotted out. 34 For jealousy enrages a man, And he will not spare in the day of vengeance. 35 He will not accept any ransom, Nor will he be satisfied though you give many gifts.”
As man tries to gain satisfaction for himself, sexuality is definitely going to be one of the avenues he doggedly pursues . . . regardless of age.
I’ve mentioned this before — a while ago — but it’s important to bring up again. I remember having very vivid sexual thoughts about my teacher . . . when I was in kindergarten.
Now, I’m not saying that all kids are like me; I’m only pointing out that if you had been my parent, and you were certain that I wouldn’t struggle with sexualized thoughts until I went through puberty . . . you would have failed me as a parent.
And you don’t know what your kids are thinking unless they tell you. I know that I — as a five year old — did not tell my parents about my preoccupation with female anatomy.
What’s my point? Better safe than sorry.
Maybe your kids bathe with each other. I’m assuming at some point you told even your very young children to put some clothes on. Children are master observers, and — like every human on the planet — they are interpreters.
Why do I have to put clothes on? Why are our bodies different? Why do I really want to stare at that part of her body? Why do I like looking more the fewer clothes are on? Whether they ask it or not, whether they can put it into words or not, there’s a very good chance they’re curious. And each of these is an opportunity to start an ongoing conversation with your children.
Now, this is not the episode to equip you to teach your children about Christ-honoring sexuality or to script that conversation for you. We have many other episodes all about that, so I recommend you click the link in the description or check out TruthLoveParent.com. All of our episodes are searchable by season, topic, and series. If you click the topics tab, you will find sexuality as one of the options.
And the older the child gets, the more sexually-oriented influences to which they are exposed, and the more their own lusts drag them away, the more frequent and important these conversations are going to become.
It’s also important to remember that conversations about Christ-honoring sexuality aren’t simply about sex.
Biological sex, modesty, how we physically interact with people, marriage, and procreation are all topics that deal directly with sex or slide closer to the topic.
I remember well the conversation I had with my four year old son when I learned that he had kissed a boy in nursery.
In his mind, he always kissed the people in his life that he loved the most — his dad, his mom, his sister, his grandparents, etc. And — apparently — there wasn’t a question in his mind that it was appropriate to kiss people who weren’t his family.
It was a wonderful opportunity to talk about what kisses communicate in our family culture. We talked about the Bible, love, appropriate shows of physical emotion, and cultural expectations.
My point is, there are many age-appropriate ways to talk about biblical sexuality, and we need to be doing it.
2. The Root of Sexuality
We should be able to move through this point rather easily considering the foundation we’ve laid. So, here’s a question for you: sinful sexuality is a sin, but is it the problem?
And — of course — you know that sexual sins including transgenderism, homosexuality, adultery, and the like are merely the fruit of a much deeper issue.
Children who experience what the world calls gender-dysphoria are not coming to some new truth about themselves. They believe that the biological sex God gifted them at conception is not morally good. They believe that because they have been told that they have ultimate authority over their bodies because they’re autonomous and beautiful snowflakes. So they’re using their technologies to reap more and more sinful satisfaction because — ultimately — they aren’t trusting God’s plan for their lives.
Now, they may be ignorant of God’s design for their bodies, and — therefore — their rebellion against His design is being done in ignorance, but the root is still the same. They don’t know or believe God’s plan is best.
Curfews, wise technology habits, rules about physicality, modesty, and the like are all wise and good and Christ-honoring when done in the right way for the glory of God and in the power of the Holy Spirit, but they will not ultimately solve anything. There is always a way to seek out my own satisfaction even if I’m locked in solitary confinement and all I have is my own mind.
The heart of the issue is an issue of the heart.
I’m serving a puny false god called self. And my false god has promised my security, and it — moment by moment — demands that I use whatever technology it takes to be happy. It tells me that I’m a free moral agent who doesn’t need to bend the knee to anyone else — I’m god for crying out loud! Therefore, I get to define my own morality. And when it comes to what is moral in my sexuality, it’s whatever I want.
The only thing that will save your kids from sexual sins is a heart that trusts God to supply all our needs.
And finally . . .
3. Help for Sexuality
The first way to set your children on the road to success is to teach them about God. Use the Bible to introduce them to Him, His mighty deeds, His glorious character, and His right to rule.
Second, we need to model for them what it is to love and serve God. Why would our kids want to serve Him when your daily life is proving that you need to pursue your own happiness if you ever hope to be satisfied?
Third, as we continue to teach and reprove and correct and train our kids, we need to expose them to more and more truth in love. That means that we’re going to have a perpetual conversation about Christ-honoring sexuality.
Fourth, when my children ask questions because they’re curious or cross the line into sexual sin, we must not merely try to cut off the bad fruit. We need to address the root. Yes, wisdom dictates that we need to put measures into place to protect our children from their own self-destruction, but that’s not the answer . . . that’s merely a wise safeguard. The answer is to redouble our efforts to introduce our kids to our God Who is so marvelous and beautiful and loving that celebrating Him is far more enjoyable than disobeying Him.
And fifth, sometimes we need help. God created His people to require community, and though parents are the first-disciplers, it’s very wise to invite other mature believers into the process.
This is why Truth.Love.Parent. has a counseling ministry. We are biblically trained to help people with their sexual sins. We work with children and adults all of the time to prepare them to find their true satisfaction in Christ.
If you find that the first four steps aren’t working, please reach out for help. Talk to your pastor, talk to spiritually mature people in your local assembly, or reach out to us at counselor@TruthLoveParent.com.
That is the five step process to parenting our kids for success in any facet of life . . . including sexuality.
It’s not easy, it’s an every day thing, and often it ends in heartache if our kids choose the life of a scoffer, but it’s what God commands. That means that there’s nothing more satisfying than parenting our kids for Christ.
I know this is a big topic that elicits a lot of questions. That’s why TLP exists. We want to equip adults to disciple children for Christ. That’s it. You have been chosen by God to engage in that relationship with your kids, and TLP wants to help you succeed in it to God’s honor and glory.
Seriously — give us a call at (828) 423-0894 if you need some advice and share this episode with your friends so they too can approach this subject the right way.
I hope you’ll join us next time as we open God’s Word to discover how to parent our children for life and godliness.
To that end, we’ll be discussing the seventh biggest parenting challenge you will all face at some point or another.
Join The TLP Family and receive email updates when we publish new articles and episodes.
Subscribe to Our Podcast