 What is God doing in your family right now? Why are things so hard? What’s the purpose? Join AMBrewster today as he leads Christian parents to four vital truths for hurting dads, moms, husbands, and wives. Enjoy our "Parenting 101" shirts! Check out 5 Ways to Support TLP. Discover the following episodes by clicking the titles or navigating to the episode in your app: “Teach Your Children to Apologize, Part 1” (episode 238) “Be Honest with Your Children about Death” (episode 301) Click here for our free Parenting Course! Like us on Facebook. Follow us on Instagram. Follow us on Twitter. Follow AMBrewster on Twitter. Pin us on Pinterest. Subscribe to us on YouTube. Need some help? Write to us at [email protected]. Click "Read More" for today’s Episode Notes and Transcript.
Episode NotesClick the link below to download the PDF. 
TranscriptIntroductionI know some of you are looking forward to us discussing something other than suffering. But I couldn’t move past the subject without making practical application to us parents. We’ve been dealing with the intricacies of helping our children grapple with their suffering and their belief in God, and — though each of our points could have been equally as applicable to us in our suffering — I want to be so painfully specific today that we can’t miss the application to our own lives and families. But before we do that, I want to tell you about some fun new shirts available on the Truth.Love.Parent Store. We call them “Parenting 101,” and there are two designs — one for dads and one for moms. Each shows a parent and a child going about their day as normal as you can imagine, but their surroundings are as abnormal as you can imagine. The shirts were designed to humorously represent the fact that even during the hum-drum parts of our day, we are in a war. Sin, pain, and suffering are always looming, but we can — with hope and joy — parent our kids through the proverbial minefield of this world. We don’t need to give in to fear — God is good. He gives us everything we need for “Parenting 101.” I’ve included a link in the description if you’re interested in checking out those shirts. And remember, any purchase you make from the TLP Store enables us to continue producing biblical parenting resources. And — speaking of resources — I pray today’s free episode notes at TakingBackTheFamily.com are a blessing to you. Let’s wrap up our focus on suffering by seeing our parenting struggles through God’s eyes. TopicIt’s very possible that you are suffering as a parent or spouse. Your children or your spouse seems to be the source of all your pain. I know what you’re feeling. I’ve been there. I’ve been so hurt that I wondered if I could legitimately love these people. But, if what we’ve learned over the past few weeks is true, then God has a very intentional purpose for my suffering — and that goes for you too. So, let’s jump right in. We’re going to look at potential or definite reasons you’re experiencing suffering in your life, and then discuss how we should respond to them. 1. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of your own sin. Now, it’s never an excuse for your family to sin simply because you’ve sinned against them. But there are natural consequences that will happen when we sin. I’ve mentioned this often — there are 3 primary consequences that occur every single time we sin.
It’s possible that your current parenting or marital pain is due — in part — to your own sinful choices. Too many of us set a sinful example and then are surprised when our children follow in our footsteps. They’re selfish the way we are. They seek their own pleasure they way we do. They justify their sin the way we do. They rebel against us in the same way we rebel against traffic laws. They slander us the same way we slander our politicians. They have even less respect for church and the Scriptures than we do . . . but that’s to be expected. We didn’t teach them it was important, why would our fond memories of church from our childhood matter to them? Perhaps our off-putting personality has put-off those in our home. Maybe our anger has pushed people away. Perhaps even infidelity has caused a trust-rift with your spouse. There are a million possibilities, but there are only a couple Christ-honoring responses. First, we must carefully, biblically, and wisely determine if the current family pain has anything to do with the sinful choices we’ve made. Now, this is easier said than done. I recommend you don’t try to do it by yourself. Invite your spouse to speak into the issue. Collect trusted counselors who will give you honest and biblical insight. One of the reasons it’s hard to determine if we have sin in the mix is that it’s generally too easy to see the faults in others. The log in our eye makes it hard to see the log. In addition, your children probably do have a legitimate splinter or twig or or branch or log sticking out of their own eye. Though — when questioned — you may find it easy to admit that you’re a sinner, generally you interpret your current family distress as being due 100% to your child’s or your spouse’s choices. However, it’s more realistic to expect that you have played a part — perhaps even a small part — but a part nonetheless. So, second, when we discover that we have unrepentant sin, we must apologize and repent. To apologize is to seek forgiveness for our sin, and to repent is to turn from said sin and embrace the righteous motivation and behavior. This does not mean that your current suffering will cease and that all will be well again, but it does mean you’ve taken the first step toward spiritual and relational healing. Remember what Jesus said in Revelation 3:19-22, “Those whom I love, I reprove and discipline; therefore be zealous and repent. 20 Behold, I stand at the door and knock; if anyone hears My voice and opens the door, I will come in to him and will dine with him, and he with Me. 21 He who overcomes, I will grant to him to sit down with Me on My throne, as I also overcame and sat down with My Father on His throne. 22 He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” 1. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of your own sin. If so, discover your sin, apologize, and repent. 2. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of someone else’s sin. Sin hurts. So, if there’s hurt, there’s sin. That hurt may be a result of your sin, but if you’ve searched the Scriptures and listened to your counselors and can legitimately say that — though you are not sinless — you don’t believe your sins have caused the suffering currently in your life, then the pain in your marriage or family is the result of someone else’s sin. This frequently was the case while I was at Victory Academy for Boys. Every year 10 new people would enter my home with their well-entrenched sin habits, and it wasn’t long before I was bearing the weight of all that new sin. It’s very possible that your child is rebelling against you and God because you are a good parent and they don’t want to live under His authority. Now, don’t just assume that. Make sure you start with our first point. It’s always better to humbly enter a situation willing to have your own sin exposed than to arrogantly assume it’s always someone else’s fault. Still, as I’ve said, the suffering in your home may likely not have been caused by you. So, what do you do? A. Know and understand the truths we’ve uncovered concerning the character of God. When your husband cheats on you and your daughter sleeps around, when your child throws a temper tantrum every time you use the word “no,” you are experiencing suffering that has been allowed into your life by the almighty, all-loving, all-wise, all-powerful God of suffering. He has a plan. He has promise. He’s trustworthy. B. Know and understand the truths we’ve discussed concerning the purpose of suffering. If God has a plan, it would be wise to discover what it is. What does God want you to learn in the throws of another temper-tantrum? How does God want to mature you through your spouse’s infidelity? How does God want to grow you through your current suffering and prepare you to help someone else grow through their suffering? The purpose of our suffering is clearly laid out in Scripture. We know the end of the story. Understanding and accepting the purpose of our suffering is a huge part of suffering well. C. Believe the truth about God and suffering and live accordingly. Live wisely. It’s one thing to know and understand; it’s a completely different thing to apply that knowledge and understanding to life. That’s called belief. That’s called living wisely. How do we live wisely in suffering? First, move toward steadfastness. James 1 explicitly told us that we can joy in our trials because they’re designed to produce steadfastness. Wisdom would dictate that you focus your energies on being consistent, patient, enduring, and faithful. Second, embrace maturity. James goes on to say that our increased steadfastness results in maturity. I think a really accessible definition of maturity is this: the more you live like Christ, the more mature you are. So, our goal needs to be to ask — and forgive the early 2000’s lingo — “What would Jesus do?” How would He respond to my child? How would He speak to my wife? How would He deal with the pain of betrayal? The Bible has the answers. Third, ask for wisdom. When you realize how impossible this is for you — and that’s an accurate realization to which to come — turn to the Father and beg Him for the power to live wisely. Fourth, rejoice and be glad in the suffering. Lastly, as you encounter suffering in your family, don’t complain about it, consciously choose to rejoice in it. That doesn’t mean you have to find nice things to say about the pain, but you can always rejoice in God. You can always rejoice in the amazing purpose He’s ordained. 1. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of your own sin. Apologize and repent. Be reconciled and act righteously. 2. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of someone else’s sin. Focus on God, His plan, and His power. Consciously, intentionally, move toward steadfastness, maturity, wisdom, and joy. And . . . 3. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of the fact we live in a broken and cursed world. Even though they’re a result of the sin curse, sickness and death are not always a result of specific sin. Pain and brokenness and runny noses and stubbed toes happen because we live in a fallen world. So, how do we respond when our family suffering isn’t directly related to sin? In addition to the exact same counsel from our last point, I would add . . . A. Get the family on the same team. Teach them the Truth about living in the broken world. Help them understand that we’re all working together to glorify God by responding to hardship the way Jesus would. Everyone, even the littlest people in your home need to be there to support and encourage the hurting members. It doesn’t help the one in pain when the ones not in pain are complaining about the pain. Part of getting everyone on the same team is . . . B. Know and understand the truth concerning the current struggle. Take time to understand the sickness and explain it to the kids. Explain to them why our skin burns and our toes stub. Don’t hide them from the physical and spiritual realities of death. Teach them about the God of suffering, the nature of suffering, and the purpose of suffering. Knowledge truly is power. You can’t live what you don’t believe, and you can’t believe what you don’t know. When our kids are left to formulate their own conclusions about suffering, they will come to all the wrong conclusions. Just like the disciples and the Scientology cult assume that sickness is always a result of sin, your child will not interpret the situation any better without the knowledge God provides in His Word. C. Seek the Scripture and biblical counsel to determine if there is a more Christ-honoring response. Our study of suffering should have made it amply clear that God designed us to live in community, and that community was created to help us achieve God’s purposes in our suffering. Don’t go it alone. Don’t isolate and cloister your family. Embrace the Body of Christ. 1. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of your own sin. 2. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of someone else’s sin. 3. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of the fact we live in a broken and cursed world. And, finally . . . 4. Regardless of why you’re experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting, look for ways to minister to others who are experiencing similar suffering. I love how our last Special Guest, Jay Holland drew our minds to this Truth. II Corinthians 1:3-7 very clearly teaches us that one of the reasons we have parenting trouble is so that we can comfort those in similar situations. Listen to what Paul tells the Corinthians: “3 Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, 4 who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. 5 For as we share abundantly in Christ's sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too. 6 If we are afflicted, it is for your comfort and salvation; and if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which you experience when you patiently endure the same sufferings that we suffer. 7 Our hope for you is unshaken, for we know that as you share in our sufferings, you will also share in our comfort.” Here are a couple takeaways from this passage: A. God is to be blessed for the comfort and mercy He gives. B. One of the reasons we suffer is so that we may pass on God’s comfort to others. C. Jesus is the channel of our suffering and our comfort. Only through a relationship with Him can we enjoy the comfort of God. D. The beauty of suffering is that it not only leads to our comfort, but also the comfort of others. How dare we be stingy and not serve others who are struggling in a similar way that we have. It’s too easy for us to be pridefully embarrassed about our struggles — as if cancer and death is something about which to be ashamed. But we do it. And that response make it that much easier for us to refuse to tell people about the consequences we’ve suffered as a result of ours and our family members’ sins. We think that’s way too personal! So, no one knows about the sin, no one knows about the consequences, no one knows about the suffering, and absolutely no one is comforted because of the experience we endured. May it never be! We should never rejoice in our sin and make our idolatrous self-worship a moment for bragging, but we do need to be honest with others about what the Lord has taught us. I hope to have a couple join us in the near future. They are an amazing couple, and they have an amazing testimony. I’ll be honest, it’s ugly. It’s filled with sin, but it’s amazing because of how God worked through the sin and suffering to produce a marriage that glorifies God. And what’s even more amazing is they’re been open and honest about their sins in marriage, and God has used them to comfort others who have sinned in the same ways — or had others sin against them — by leading them to the God of all forgiveness and comfort and healing. And that’s why James calls us to “confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed.” If we hide what we’ve done, we’re going to hide what God’s done. If we hide that, we’re missing out on the beauty of our suffering and the purpose God is trying to accomplish. Conclusion1. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of your own sin. Learn from that. Repent. Grow.
2. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of someone else’s sin. Praise the Lord for the purpose He has in it. Help your family member mature as God calls them to repent and grow. 3. You may be experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting because of the fact we live in a broken and cursed world. Again, embrace the God of suffering and understand the purpose of suffering. It will sustain you during this hard time. 4. Regardless of why you’re experiencing hardship in your marriage or parenting, look for ways to minister to others who are experiencing similar suffering. Be the proverbial hands and feet of God to minister His comfort to them. Thank you for joining us for this study in suffering. I pray you are better equipped to prepare your family for it and lead your family through it. If you have any questions, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at [email protected]. We’d be honored to serve you by passing the comfort of God onto you. Once we’re done here, you should totally Check out our “Parenting 101” shirts! And I hope you’re excited because Natasha Crain will be joining us next time to talk about her new book, “Taking with Your Kids about Jesus.” This will be her 5th visit with us. She’s such a resource and such a friend. And, you’ll have an opportunity to enter to win a copy of her book which will be coming hot off the presses on March 31st, 2020. I hope you’re looking forward to that! Remember, if we want our children to grow up into Christ, we must parent in truth and love. To that end, join us next time as we sit down with Natasha Crain and discuss an amazing resource.
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