TLP 190: The 10 Things All Parents Should Hate, Part 2

God hates things, and we should hate them too, but why we hate them and how we hate them are equally important. Join AMBrewster as he equips Christian parents to love God and their kids better by hating what God hates the way He hates it.

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Episode Notes

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Transcript

Introduction

Welcome back to this two-part episode about the 10 things all parents should hate.​

I promise you that if you haven’t heard episode 189, there’s going to be some misunderstanding, and one of the things I hate most is being misunderstood.

So make sure you check that episode out first.

And, if you’re just joining us, I almost feel like I should apologize that these episodes would be your first experience with Truth.Love.Parent.

Why would a podcast with the words “love” and “parent” in their name talk about the 10 things that all parents should hate?

Of course, I don’t apologize, and it’s not really confusing. This is God’s Word, and it’s beautiful and pure, and the better we understand it the more loving and Truthful our lives will be.

However, there's also the off chance that sinfully hateful people have joined us today — people looking for biblical justification to act unlovingly. If that’s you, I pray the Spirit does a work in your life.

And there’s also the possibility that some people have tuned in just to find another reason to believe that Christians are all terrible people. “Why else would a Christian podcast encourage parent’s to hate?”

I pray that God will use His Word to show you today that He and His true followers love you unconditionally and want nothing but the best for you.

Still, we cannot understand biblical love correctly until we understand biblical hate, and that’s why our last episode was so important.

But — before we go any further — don’t forget to send us an email to [email protected] if you’re planning to attend our first ever TLP meetup in Dallas, Texas on September 17th, 2018.

It’s going to be so much fun and — Lord willingly — so very helpful for you, your relationship with God, and your family.

You can also follow us on Facebook and click that you’re attending on our event page.

Okay, so let’s continue to build on the foundation we laid last time concerning biblical hatred.

Topic

First, by way of review — because I have the feeling that some of you may not go back and listen to the first episode in this series — love and hate are not emotions.​

They are conscious choices to ally with or against something.

Love is decision to ally with someone — to want and to work toward God’s best interest in his or her life.

Hate is a decision to stand against something or someone; it’s the proclamation that I cannot side with you. 

Now, we have to be reminded that biblical love and hate coexist. God draws a cosmic line in the sand and says, “I am light; in Me is no darkness at all. I cannot fellowship with you in darkness, so I invite you to join Me in the light. However, if you choose to remain in darkness, you must know that there will be an eternal consequence.”

There is nothing more loving than to sacrifice everything you have to make an enemy a friend. And there’s nothing more just than to hold an enemy responsible for not taking such an offer.

And we saw last time that God hates false worship, incorrect worship, the prideful, liars, murderers, those with wicked intentions, mischief makers, people who hurt relationships, divorce, and perverted speech.

And today’s question is what that has to do with us?

Well, the title of the series is “The 10 Things All Parents Should Hate.” 

And I think you probably see where I’m going.

Christian parents need to hate all the exact same things that God hates.

We need to hate when our children worship their own desires above God’s.

We need to loathe when our children’s use the legitimate expressions of true worship to satisfy themselves.

We need to hate when our children are prideful.

We must detest lying. 

Of course, we all claim to hate murder, and yet we ignore our children in the next room cutting each other down with their words. Matthew 5:21-22 says, “You have heard that it was said to those of old, ‘You shall not murder; and whoever murders will be liable to judgment.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother will be liable to judgment; whoever insults his brother will be liable to the council; and whoever says, ‘You fool!’ will be liable to the hell of fire.”

We need to hate murder, but we also need to hate the attitudes that Jesus says are just as bad as murder.

We need to hate it when our children’s motivation isn’t Christ-honoring. This goes for their sinful behaviors, but it also goes for the sinful motivations for their seemingly good actions — for example, a child who does their best in school for the praise of men. 

We need to hate when our children are actively working to hurt the relationships in their family.

We need to hate divorce. It should never be something about which we joke or a threat we use when we’re angry. 

Now — like I said last time — there are biblical justifications for divorce, and I plan to discuss it on this show at a future date. I don’t want anyone writing me today trying to explain why their divorce was the exception. 

The reality is that God hates divorce, and we should to.

We should also hate when our children have perverted speech. But this isn’t simply when our kids tell dirty jokes or swear. A perversion is anything that’s been twisted from its original intent. 

God wants us to use our words to lift people up and point them to Christ. We pervert the purpose of language when we speak from our own selfish desires.

We pervert the purpose of sexuality when we participate in it outside of God’s design.

Now, some of you may be thinking, “Aaron, I accept the fact that God hates those things, but I’m not comfortable saying that we should hate those things.”

Please keep in mind that this entire study is being done primarily by using the Scriptures that include the words “I” and “hate.” 

What I’m saying is that I could make this argument from numerous passages in Bible, but all I really need to do is point to Psalm 97:10. It is there the psalmist proclaims, “O you who love the Lord, hate evil! He preserves the lives of his saints; he delivers them from the hand of the wicked.”

The word translated “evil” is used over 600 times in the Old Testament and refers to every form of spiritual or physical badness.

It’s part of the name of The Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. 

It’s the same word used in Genesis 6:5, “The LORD saw that the wickedness of man was great in the earth,” and He subsequently decides to send a worldwide flood.

We parents who say we love the LORD, must hate evil.

In Psalm 101:3, David says, “I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.”

Even Paul proclaimed this in Romans 7:15-18, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate . . . . So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out.”

This hatred of sin includes false worship and incorrect worship and pride and lying and murder and everything else that God says is a sin.

We must hate everything God hates.

Okay, so God hates evil, and we’re to hate evil. This should bring up two other questions?

1. Why am I supposed to hate these things?
2. What does this kind of hatred look like in my family? What’s the practical application?

And I think many people are afraid of this whole topic — and may even stop listening to the show — because they’re going to jump to the wrong conclusions about the application of this concept.

Stick with me and this will all make biblical, Christ-honoring, and liberating sense.

First, let’s answer why we’re supposed to hate what God hates.

I want to look at four verses from Psalm 119. As many of you know, Psalm 119 is the longest chapter in the Bible, and it’s all about the Bible. It proclaims and explains the eternal glory and value of the Scriptures. But it also says this . . .

Psalm 119:104, “Through your precepts I get understanding; therefore I hate every false way.”
Psalm 119:113, “I hate the double-minded, but I love your law.”

Psalm 119:128, “Therefore I consider all your precepts to be right; I hate every false way.”

Psalm 119:168, “I hate and abhor falsehood, but I love your law.”

David’s whole motivation for hating evil was not that evil was evil . . . it was that evil didn’t please God.

I don’t hate my enemy because he’s against me or because he’s different from me or because I don’t like him; I set myself against him because he’s chosen to be an enemy of God, and I love God with all my heart.

Think of it this way, imagine a friend of yours who is really nice and wonderful, but all of a sudden he tries to kill your spouse. Nothing else matters anymore.

Some of you have unfortunately experienced this with your kids. You may have a child whose been rebellious and has terrorized your family, and you’ve probably put up with a lot, but there may have come a time when that child crossed a line and now the physical and spiritual safety of the rest of the family brought you to a place where you had to send them somewhere like Victory Academy for Boys.

It’s not because you don’t love your child, it’s because you need to protect the family members who are trying to please the Lord.

And I think this brings us to the final question for the day.

How is this concept practical?

How can you legitimately leave this podcast and use this information in a way that will please the Lord?

How can this talk of enemies and hate be liberating?

Here’s the reality:

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Break: Thank you for listening. In just a moment, Aaron is going to give us 6 practical applications of today’s discussion.

But I’d like to take a moment to thank Ray and Carolyn for being faithful supporters of TLP.

We’re a listener-supported ministry, and we wouldn’t be able to do all that we do without the sacrificial gifts of people like Ray and Carolyn.

Now imagine what we may be able to accomplish if the Lord used you to help us glorify Him by equipping parents all over the world to become intentional, premeditated, Ambassador parents!

Even if it’s just a dollar a month, it would be so helpful.

You can learn more by clicking the “5 Ways to Support TLP” link in the description of today’s show or clicking on the community tab at TruthLoveParent.com.

And now back to the show!

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1. The hate God calls us to have is not a vitriolic, angry, hatred. It’s simply a choice to stand against sin.

You stand against things all the time. In fact, I’m amazed how many things parent are willing to go to war over with their kids. The kid didn’t empty the trash on time. The child forgot to close the door. She broke a plate. He accidentally turned off the TV in the middle of the game. And the next thing you know, mom and dad and yelling!

Let’s at least be honest enough to realize that we draw plenty of our own lines. God is simply asking us to draw them in the right place and for the right reasons.

And that’s why . . .

2. The hate God calls us to have must be rooted in our relationship with Him. 

The more we love Him the more we’ll hate sin. The more we love Him, the firmer stand we’ll take against that which doesn’t please Him.

This is why — in Luke 14:26 — Jesus said, “If anyone comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and wife and children and brothers and sisters, yes, and even his own life, he cannot be my disciple.”

Now, this is a slightly different meaning for the word hate, but it exemplifies the same concept. Our love for God must be so great that our love for our family seems like hate in comparison. 

Does a candle produce light? Yes. But when you compare its light to the sun, its as if the candle isn’t doing anything.

Of course, can we really say we love Him if we don’t really know what His Word says to us and our kids?

3. The hate God calls us to have must be exercised lovingly. 

We never, ever, ever have a right to be unloving. In fact, it’s our love for our children that demands that we can’t just go along with their sin. We can’t tolerate their wicked choices. We can’t allow their selfishness. We won’t play dead while they tirade against God and His glory.

We love them too much to watch them put a gun to their head and pull the trigger. And that’s exactly what sin is. It’s destroys. It hurts. It kills. How could loving parents tolerate sinful behavior in their children’s lives? Worse yet, how could loving parents model for their kids how to be sinful?

And the reality is that genuinely, biblically loving parent’s won’t. Only sinfully hateful parents would do something like that.

Are there any areas in your life where you are a better example of selfishness than you are godliness? What does your eating teach your children about biblical moderation and glorifying God? What does your language teach your children about love and holiness?

I was at Walmart a few days ago, and I heard a dad casually use the “F” word in front of his two elementary aged children.

Now, you may not do that, but what kinds of things do your kids hear you say about the president or your pastor?

4. The hate God calls us to have must be exemplified biblically. 

Don’t make it about your desires. It’s about God’s will. 

Don’t make it about your opinions. It’s about God’s law.

Don’t make it about your likes and dislikes. It’s about God’s desires.

Remember, we’re drawing a line in the sand, but we’re inviting our kids to join us on God’s side. It’s never to be a “You’d better watch out cause God and I are going to get you!”

It’s a “God and I love you so much that we want you to join us over here. There is life and joy and peace over here. There is only death over there. Please come over here.”

This is the essence of Ambassador Parenting. What I just described is the Educator and Interpreter role we discussed in the series before this.

When you have to take a stand against something, your children must know that it’s because their choice dishonored God. It wasn’t that it annoyed mom or bothered dad. Mom and Dad wouldn’t allow that kind of talk or behavior or motivation because they love God and want to do what He says.

Is your Educating and Interpreting and Counseling and Training rooted in the Bible or man’s Failure Philosophies?

5. The hate God calls us to have liberates us from selfishness. 

It’s difficult and tiring to try to rule the world. 

I did a show way back in episode 22 called “5 Ways You Take God’s Job.” And even though it’s impossible, and even though we fail when we try to do it, our sinful pride and self-sufficiency deludes us into thinking that we can be the center of the universe.

But the reality is that we break things when we try to run our own lives, let alone the lives in our family, village, state, country, continent, or planet.

God’s in charge, and that’s a freeing reality.

It should wrap you in a comfortable blanket of peace knowing that it doesn’t have to be about what you want. It’s not about how you think life is to be lived. Instead of dreaming up rules and expectations for your kids, all you have to do is fall back on the High Biblical Expectations God’s given us in His Word.
Do you experience that freedom in your parenting or are you constantly trying to reinvent the wheel?

And, lastly . . .

6. The hate God calls us to have will protect our children.

Biblically speaking — and keep in mind that I’m trying my hardest to consistently and accurately use the word hate in the biblical context — if you didn’t hate kidnappers, your kids wouldn’t be safe.

If you didn’t hate drug dealers, your kids might be addicts.

If you didn’t hate car crashes, your kids may be dead.

Those things are your enemies. You don’t embrace them. You stand against them. You fight to keep your children free from them. 

Biblical hate protects your children because it means that you’re fighting against sin and it’s consequences.

Even if that means you have to stand against one of your own kids, it’s the best thing you can do for them. 

You don’t stand against drugs until your kids becomes an addict, and then — “Well, I guess everything’s okay!”

Unfortunately, that’s what many people are doing with the many forms of sinful sexuality. They say that homosexuality is a sin, but then they find out their child has succumbed to the temptations of the flesh and — all of a sudden — the parents are questioning their trust in God’s Word. And — far too often — they abandon their obedience to God and embrace homosexuality for their child.

That’s destructive because God says that sin hurts. The most loving thing you could do would be to stand against your child’s sin.

Now, again, this is where too many Christians mess up.

Horrendous places like Westborrow Baptist Church spew forth vitriolic wickedness against homosexuality. No, we must be Truthful, but we also have to be loving and kind and gracious and patient.

A Christian parent who loves the Lord must not embrace homosexuality or any other sin for that matter, but it doesn’t mean you act unlovingly toward your children.

It may mean you have to withhold all the donuts, but you don’t stop giving the bread, and you definitely don’t start throwing the rocks at them.

If you’re not sure what I’m talking about, please listen to “The Rock, The Bread, and The Donut” series starting in episode 106.

It may mean that you have to give your children the very real consequences of their actions, but you do it in love because God is Holy and beautiful and He commands us to hate sin.

Conclusion

Now, I’ve worked very hard to make sure you understand what God means by this.​

I don’t want to be misunderstood, and I don’t want to cause you to misunderstand God’s Word. But the real problem is that the world’s definitions of love and hate are going to cause more trouble for you and your family than anything else.

Feel free to email us at [email protected] if you have any questions about this.

We must have a working dictionary filled with biblical definitions.

However, if you understood today’s episode and it helped you frame a biblical worldview of true love and hate toward evil, please share this episode with your friends. 

How crazy would the change in our parenting be if we simply looked at sin the way God does?

I also hope our episode notes will help you make sense of this topic and even be a tool with which you can teach these truths to your children.

Many of us struggle with these concepts because we’ve lived our whole lives with an unbiblical understanding of hatred.

What if your kids learned the biblical Truth before they had a chance to be taught the world’s lies?

Now, I normally like to have some stand-alone episodes in between our series, but we’re coming to the end of the Season 7, and there’s one more series I want to get in here, so — Lord willing — we’ll be starting that on our next episode.

The series is called, “Family Worship.”

We’re going to talk about God’s definition of family worship, examples of failed family worship, what happens when there’s split family worship, and what unified family worship looks like.

I hope you’re looking forward to that.

The more I study God’s Word, the more I’m amazed by His complexity. But at the same time I view all of this multi-faceted glory, I see how it perfectly fits with all the other Truth in Scripture, and I don’t walk away more confused, I walk away in awe, excited to tackle another day of work, parenting, growth, and adventure.

So, to that end, I’ll see you next time.