TLP 145: How to Have a Valuable Family

Does your family do valuable things? Are your kids engaged in valuable relationships? Is your parenting valuable to God? Join AMBrewster as he helps Christian parents understand God’s definition of what’s valuable and what’s not.

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Episode Notes

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Transcript

Introduction

Happy almost-Easter, and welcome to the end of Season 5!​

It was a while ago we started scheduling our show into seasons. We did this for two big reasons:

First, it’s super important that new listeners understand the evergreen nature of our content. Episode 1 is an introduction to who we are, but every episode thereafter is just as relevant today as it was the day it was posted. Dividing the show into seasons helps people consume TLP with reachable goals.

Second, by utilizing seasons we can develop concepts and ideas over a longer span of time.

For example: our pilot season was an ice-breaker, Season 1 focuses on laying the foundation of Christian parenting.

Season 2 is all about knowing your child. Season 3 helps us dig deeper into our parenting by asking questions many of us may not have considered.

Season 4 focuses more on the deep issues we can’t afford to miss because they’re non-negotiables for Christian parents.

And Season 5 has been all about the “Love” in Truth.Love.Parent. We spent almost the entire season talking about biblical family love and its ramifications.

Each of these seasons has explored necessary ideas and revolutionary truths from God’s Word. 

So, by way of introduction — and with this we’ll jump into today’s topic — Season 6 is going to filled with parenting ideas for daily life.

Of course, all of our topics are practical and applicable today . . . but some are more theoretical or philosophical. This season we’re trying to do what Paul does in his epistles. We’ve discussed a lot of doctrine, and now we’re going focus in on the practical application.

Don’t be afraid, though, we’re not going to stop covering doctrine. We can’t do anything as parents unless we’re parenting from God’s eternal Truth. We need to be a God’s Truth, God’s Love, Parent for God.

Alright, so how are we going to wrap up Season 5, touch on Easter, and vault into Season 6?

We’re going to discuss how to have a Valuable Family.

Topic

Okay, so if you spend any amount of time in the Brewster home, you’re probably going to hear the following repeated quite often:​

“Sin hurts.”

“Just two choices on the shelf: pleasing God or pleasing self.”

“This is why we can’t have nice things.”

“You do what you do, say what you say, and feel what you feel because you want what you want. And you want what you want because you believe what you believe about God, His Word, and yourself.”

“Stupid hurts.”

“That’s Failure Philosophy.”

“You can’t accidentally glorify God.”

“You can tack a ‘Baby’ onto the end of that one . . . Baby.”

“Is that valuable?”

And though it may be fun talking about how “stupid hurts,” we’re going to discuss the concept of what’s valuable and what’s not.

Merriam-Webster’s second definition of valuable is: “having desirable or esteemed characteristics or qualities.”

Now, the English word “valuable” only shows up one time in the whole Bible, and that particular verse doesn’t have any bearing on today’s topic.

But, in Philippians 4:8-9 I believe God gives us His definition of valuable.

As a side note, we did a series that started in episode 69 all about Peaceful Parenting. We took a number of days to study Philippians 4, and not only was it a great study, but episode 75 of that series will be a nice addition to today’s study.

For now, let’s consider Philippians 4:8-9: “Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. 9 What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.”

This is a beautiful definition for the things of this life that are valuable.

If your children are lying, that’s not valuable.

If your kids dishonor you and your spouse, that’s not valuable.

If their behavior its unrighteous, it’s not valuable.

If there’s any communication or entertainment or behavior that’s impure, it’s not valuable.

If anything that’s said, done, or felt is not pleasing to the Lord, it’s not valuable.

If the activity isn’t reputable and well spoken of God, it’s not valuable.

If someone or something in your home doesn’t align to God’s expectations for virtue, it’s not valuable.

If God Himself wouldn’t praise you for doing it or saying it, it’s not valuable.

And if whatever it is doesn’t conform to what you seen and heard from the Scriptures, it’s not valuable.

So, I started by teaching my children what I meant by “valuable.” And — of course — despite the fact that we covered it in grand detail, there have been plenty of times we’ve had to be a Repetitive Parent and recover the idea.

Now — for my kids — the word “valuable” is chock-full of meaning. 

Then when I encounter a sinful attitude, behavior, activity, relationship, or word, I can ask, “Is it valuable?”

If the child responds with, “Yes,” I know we need to revisit the definition and expectation.

If they say, “No,” I can ask, “Why isn’t it valuable?”

This requires my child to think through what valuable means and pinpoint what principle or command from Scripture is being violated by their sin.

Now, this whole concept of something being valuable or not is rarely the end-all. It’s simply another tool in my parenting tool box to help me come at an issue from a different direction.

So, the first lesson today is that all of our thoughts and actions and words and feelings must align with God’s definition of valuable.

The second lesson is that whether or not you start using the term “valuable” in your home, I strongly encourage you to try to come at parenting situations with fresh ideas and new angles. You always need to present God’s Truth in love, but there are many ways to explain God’s Word in age-appropriate and family-specific ways.

So, now let’s see how this principle is applicable to a wide range of family issues.

1. We just finished up a month-long study in love. Man, that concept is valuable. Hopefully, you’ve taken your family through The Four Family Loves series which started in episode 128. Now, moving forward, you can add loving relationships to your family’s definition of valuable.

Your kids are being unkind, and you can step into the room and ask, “Is this argument valuable to God? How would the initial issue been taken care of if you’d been trying to be valuable to your sibling? Once the issue arose, how could you have reconciled it in a valuable way?”

Now, before I continue, I want to address a concern you may have. Just a moment ago I used the phrase, “if you’d been trying to be valuable to your sibling.”

Yes, we want our children to understand that they’re valuable to us. Yes, their sibling should value them. That’s not about what I’m talking. The idea is that, “were you trying to live with your sibling in a biblically valuable way?”

These things need to be clarified and taught so that our kids don’t come to an incorrect assumption. We talk abut this concept a lot in episode 104, “Your Kids Need an Interpreter.” We need to be very precise, concrete, and careful with our words because our children think as children and they can very easily come to the wrong conclusion.

So, there’s an example of how we can easily take new Truths the Lord is teaching your family and add them to your definition of valuable.

2. We’re coming to Easter. Do your children understand how God’s crosswork and resurrection was the single most valuable act in the universe? 

Our children need God. The most valuable choice they can make is to submit to God. Also, my wife and I were talking that we find it interesting that Christians celebrate Christmas with more fervor and joy than they do Easter.

And this is sad. Now, to be fair, I’m a product of the culture too. I have feelings and memories and traditions surrounding Christmas that I don’t have for Easter. But if we truly understood how infinitely valuable Easter is — how that without Easter, Christmas wouldn’t have meant much — we can add this concept to our parenting and help our children develop a new love and appreciation for it.

For most of my kid’s lives our Easter tradition was the whole family participated in our church’s production of God’s Masterpiece. It was a huge production of the Passion Week, and it was so powerful for our family.

But since we moved from the church, we’ve realized that our family has no other Easter traditions. So, we’re going to spend the next year thinking about how we can make Easter more valuable in our thinking even without the pageantry and programs.

And, 3. As we move into Season 6, our goal is produce episodes that will be valuable for your family. And those studies will be designed for you to take and teach to your children so your family can learn to fill their lives with the things that are truly valuable.

Conclusion

To that end, here some topics you can expect to hear this season: ​

We’re going to talk about games that are awesome for the family, pets, family talk, what to do when you find your child with porn, how to help your child discover God’s will for their life — and more specifically — their occupation. 

We’re going to talk a good deal about chores, friends, allowances, and what to do when the whole family is stressed.

And we also plan to have awesome Special Guests and please keep praying for me as I finish up my first eBook which is all about God’s will for handling out family strife.

So, thank you again for joining us today, I pray it was a valuable experience for you, and I pray that you will do something valuable for someone else’s family by sharing this episode with your friends.

We also want to provide you valuable resources. That’s why every episode we take the time to create free notes for you to use in any way you so choose. 

On our next episode, the first of Season 6, we’re going to talk about family time and some of the Brewster’s favorite games. 

Playing with your kids is soooo important, but sometimes we can get stuck in a rut and we lose valuable opportunities to introduce our kids to new ideas and teach them new skills.

So, don’t miss that episode.

And I also want to take a moment to thank a very valuable couple. Matt and Sonja are Patrons of Truth.Love.Parent. and they share us with everyone they know. They’re a huge help in sharing with the world God’s plan for our parenting.

You can find out more about becoming a Patron and the other ways to support TLP by clicking on the “5 Ways to Support TLP” link in the description.

And if you’re curious how to help your family become more valuable, please don’t hesitate to reach out to us at Counselor@TruthLoveParent.com.

Is your parenting valuable to God?

It can be, and we’re here to help.

See you next time!