Should You Ever Ignore Your Child's Sin?

2/21/2017

“Love covers a multitude of sins.” I Peter 4:8b

I don’t know about you, but the common application of this verse has always troubled me.

Which sins should I look over?

How often should I ignore the my kid’s sins?

Does God do that with me?

Unfortunately, if you’ve heard that true love “covers up” sin by ignoring it, then you were subjected to the same poor interpretation that I was for so long.

Today I want to look at one Old Testament verse and Two New Testament verses that correctly interpret this idea of “covering sin.”

Psalm 85:2 “You forgave the iniquity of Your people; You covered all their sin.”
Romans 4:7 “Blessed are those whose lawless deeds have been forgiven, and whose sins have been covered.”
James 5:20 “Let him know that he who turns a sinner from the error of his way will save his soul from death and will cover a multitude of sins.”

So, what’s the application to our parenting?

Nowhere in Scripture are Christians told that love ignores sin. In fact, the number of passages that would blatantly contradict that concept are prevalent. As a parent, it is nothing short of laziness or fear that makes us turn a blind eye to our children’s disobedience.

When we choose not to address our children’s sin, we’re doing them a huge disservice -- we’re not loving them. Now, I’m not saying that there always has to be consequences or a lecture or a memory program. But since we will never accidentally glorify Godin our parenting, I am saying that we need to be purposeful in how we deal with our kids’ sinful choices. It may involve waiting, but it will never involve ignoring.

The four passages we looked at are -- in fact -- reminding us that the most loving and Christ-honoring thing we can do in the face of our children’s sin is to have a spirit of forgiveness. This interpretation is highly supported by numerous passages.

Therefore, don’t ever feel responsible to ignore sin. Ever.

Instead, in a spirit of love and forgiveness, speak to your child about his standing before God in an attempt to find reconciliation.

Rebuking, reproving, and admonishing can be the most loving things a parent can do when they’re done with the right attitude of love and restoration.

Remember our theme verse.

Ephesians 4:15 “But speaking the truth in love, we are to grow up in all aspects into Him who is the head, even Christ,”

AMBrewster

AMBrewster is the founder Truth.Love.Parent. and host of its podcast.

2 Comments

Sabrina

1/23/2019 01:49:19 am

Thanks for clarifying that the verse talks of forgiving our kids and giving grace to them.

What does this look like in “real life” ? What are a couple examples of this in action, forgiveness in the midst of consequences?

AMBrewster link

2/5/2019 11:33:32 am

Dear Sabrina,

Great questions!

As a family counselor, I have to start by saying that no two parenting situations are ever going to be identical, so my suggestions may not have too much practical value to you and your kids in your home situation, but hopefully it will provide some insight if nothing else.

When my children sin, I must never choose to ignore it. Instead, I must . . .

1. Go into the interaction with a spirit of forgiveness.
2. Lead my child to an understanding of their sin.
3. Guide them to a place where they desire to apologize for their sin.
4. Offer the forgiveness I entered the circumstance ready to give.
5. Provide any consequences if necessary.

I would say those are nonnegotiable every time my child actually sins against someone.

What follows are various situations in which you might find yourself.

1. Your child made a poor choice based out of immaturity. You will need to have a spirit of forgiveness as you teach and interpret the situation for them, but they may not need to formally apologize.

2. You have decided that grace needs to be shown in this situation, but you still shouldn't ignore the trespass. Confront your child with a spirit of forgiveness, and take them through the steps above. And then -- after they've apologized -- explain that you will not be giving them the consequences you normally would and explain the grace to them so they don't misunderstand it as forgetfulness, laziness, or toleration of sin.

3. Your child has high handedly sinned. You must follow all the steps above in a spirit of forgiveness and provide the necessary consequences.

4. Your child has high handedly sinned, and even though you have gone through the steps above in a spirit of forgiveness and given the appropriate consequences, they still refuse to apologize. Don't ignore this either. Now, wisdom may dictate that you don't address their stubbornness and pride right then and there after walking though the presenting issue, but you will need to intentionally plan to reconnect with them. And then enter that parenting session following the steps above.

I hope that helps!
Aaron

Should You Ever Ignore Your Child's Sin?

AMBrewster

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