Servant Leadership in Marriage

The following marriage lessons were collected from Scripture by Pastor Tom Sugimura. They represent 3 important truths:

1. Our philosophies of life need to be harvested from the Bible.
2. The Scripture must be preeminent in every relationship.
3. Godly men are to be servant leaders in the home.

They may be simple observations (as opposed to complex), but their application will prove to be a lifelong endeavor!

​-AMBrewster-

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*The following article was originally published on The Pastor's Blog at New Life Church.

The Goodness of Creation (Genesis 1-2)

1. God created male and female equal in his image to share the creation mandate. Genesis 1:27-28 (see Eph 4:20-24)  "So God created man in his own image, in the image of God he created him; male and female he created them. And God blessed them. And God said to them, 'Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.'"
   
2. God made the man first before the woman. Genesis 2:7, 21-23 (see 1 Tim 2:13) "Then the LORD God formed the man of dust from the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living creature. . . . So the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man, and while he slept took one of his ribs and closed up its place with flesh. And the rib that the LORD God had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to the man. Then the man said, 'This at last is bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh; she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.'"
3. God gave biblical counsel first to the man, who then ministered God’s Word to his wife. Genesis 2:16-17 (see 1 Tim 2:14; Eph 5:25-27)  "And the LORD God commanded the man, saying, 'You may surely eat of every tree of the garden, but of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die.'"
4. God made the woman to be a suitable helper to the man. Genesis 2:18 (see Eph 5:22-24)  "Then the LORD God said, 'It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.'"
5. The husband-wife relationship takes priority over the parent-child relationship. Genesis 2:24-25 (see Eph 5:28-6:4)  "Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. And the man and his wife were both naked and were not ashamed."

The Struggle of the Fall (Genesis 3)

1. Mankind sinned against their Creator because they wanted to become like God (vv. 1-6).
2. They became ashamed of their nakedness and afraid of God (vv. 7-11).
3. The man blamed the woman instead of taking responsibility (v. 12).
4. The woman had trusted the serpent’s counsel instead of her husband’s (v. 13).
5. God’s curse included conflict, labor (in childbirth and work), marital strife, and separation from God (vv. 14-24).
6. Yet even at the fall, God included the gospel (v. 15).

Servant Leadership in Ephesians 5:22-33, "Wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. 25 Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, 26 that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. 28 In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. 29 For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church, 30 because we are members of his body. 31 "Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh." 32 This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church. 33 However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband."

1. Husband, understand your role as a servant of Christ to lead your wife in marriage (vv. 22-24, 32-33).
2. Love your wife selflessly as Christ loved the church (vv. 25a, 28-30, 33a).
3. Deny yourself daily on her behalf (v. 25b).
4. Remember her justification, pursue her sanctification (v. 26a), and envision her glorification (v. 27).
5. Minister God’s Word to her soul (v. 26b). This means you must know it yourself!
6. Nourish her and cherish her in the Lord (v. 29).
7. Prioritize your marriage (v. 31a).
8. Hold fast to your wife (v. 31b).

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Tom Sugimura

Tom is the Senior Pastor of New Life Church. He left engineering for the pastorate and has ministered in the San Fernando Valley since 2004. He is a graduate of the Master’s Seminary and has received a doctorate in counseling at Southern Seminary. His passion is to equip the local church for ministry and train indigenous pastors globally. Hobbies include Foosball, mystery novels, poetry, and Bay Area sports. His wife Amanda is an aerospace engineer as well as an excellent cook. Tom, Amanda, and their four kids (Trevor, Jordan, Peyton, and Madelyn) enjoy board games, nature hikes, and good sushi.