Iron Sharpens Iron Radio

Spiritual Growth Requires Shame and Sorrow

The following resources expand on AMBrewster's interview with Chris Arnzen concerning "Spiritual Growth Requires Shame and Sorrow."

Listen to Nic Ellen describe the various biblical sorrows.

Podcast Episodes

Articles

Joy in the Midst of Sorrow

Biblical Sorrow Without Sinful Complaining

Is it a Sin to be Sad?

Do You Struggle With Guilt?

AMBrewster's Notes

Daily Sorrow
1. The sorrow associated with trials, testings, and temptations.
2. The defining feature of this sorrow is that there is no sin in this sorrow. The sorrow is not a result of sin, and there is no sinful response to the sorrow. It’s the result of loss.
3. Jesus exhibited this sorrow. Luke 19:41; John 11:33; Matthew 26
4. And we know from Romans 8:28-29, James 1:2-4, II Corinthians 4:7-18, and I Peter 1:6-7 why these trials and testing and temptations come. God is using the loss of friends, money, health, safety, security, and pleasure to conform us to His image—to sanctify us.
5. These difficult experiences are for our good to mature our faith.
6. But if a person experiencing Daily Sorrow doesn’t acknowledge and rest on the sovereignty, wisdom, love, and purpose of God, then they will be tempted to move into the second category.
Discontented Sorrow
1. This is the a sorrow motivated by discontentment that leads to grumbling, murmuring, and complaining.
2. It’s similar to Daily Sorrow in that the person is sad about the circumstances, the loss, the trials and the testings, but instead of resting in the provision and promises of God, they’re rejecting or neglecting God’s will for their lives. This leads to complaining and protesting about the situation. They’re not accepting what He’s allowed for the reasons He’s allowed it.
3. I Corinthians 10:10 reads, “Nor grumble, as some of them did, and were destroyed by the destroyer.” In that passage Paul is referencing the Israelites grumbling against the Lord in Numbers 16 and 17. Numbers 16:41 reads, “But on the next day all the congregation of the sons of Israel grumbled against Moses and Aaron, saying, ‘You are the ones who have caused the death of the Lord’s people.” There definitely was Daily Sorrow involved because the ground opened up and had swallowed a number of their friends and relatives. But they were also mad at God for doing it. They didn’t acknowledge that those people had received the just condemnation of God, and they weren’t seeking to grow and mature from the loss.
4. By the way, this sorrow is made deeper and stronger by the fact that we are sinning through it. Sin multiplies the experience of sorrow. It makes it harder to bear.
5. Now, because this sorrow is primarily a sinful sorrow, hopefully this individual will experience the third kind of sorrow.
Divine Sorrow
1. This is the sorrow of God that reproves and disciplines us in our sin.
2. This is the sorrow of the Holy Spirit of which the Lord speaks in John 16:8, “And He, when He comes, will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment.”
3. John 3:12, “For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light for fear that his deeds will be exposed.”
4. This sorrow is the discomfort of being told that we’re wrong—feeling shame and guilt.
5. By the way, there is Good Shame and there is Bad Shame. That means that shame and guilt are not inherently bad things to be avoided. In fact, if it’s Good Shame, then it’s part of the Divine Sorrow God graciously brings into our lives when we sin.
  1. Good Shame
    1. Ezra 9:3-7, “When I heard about this matter, I tore my garment and my robe, and pulled some of the hair from my head and my beard, and sat down appalled. 4 Then everyone who trembled at the words of the God of Israel on account of the unfaithfulness of the exiles gathered to me, and I sat appalled until the evening offering. 5 But at the evening offering I arose from my humiliation, even with my garment and my robe torn, and I fell on my knees and stretched out my hands to the Lord my God; 6 and I said, ‘O my God, I am ashamed and embarrassed to lift up my face to You, my God, for our iniquities have risen above our heads and our guilt has grown even to the heavens.’”
    2. Obadiah 1:10, “Because of violence to your brother Jacob, You will be covered with shame, And you will be cut off forever.”
    3. I Corinthians 1:27, “but God has chosen the foolish things of the world to shame the wise, and God has chosen the weak things of the world to shame the things which are strong.”
    4. I Corinthians 15:33-34, “Do not be deceived: ‘Bad company corrupts good morals.’ 34 Become sober-minded as you ought, and stop sinning; for some have no knowledge of God. I speak this to your shame.”
    5. When we sin, it’s completely appropriate to experience shame, and it’s completely inappropriate to celebrate that sin. We should feel bad about being bad.
  2. Bad Shame
    1. One form of Bad Shame is when we feel bad about doing right.
    2. Another is when we feel bad about not doing bad.
    3. No, we should rejoice that God has helped us do right in the face of temptation. We should praise God for the Spirit-control necessary to eschew evil.
6. Now, it’s at this point that the individual can respond to the Divine Sorrow in one of two ways. We’ve already seen the best response, and we call that . . .
Disciple’s Sorrow
1. Matthew 5:4, “Blessed are those who mourn, for they shall be comforted.”
2. James 4:7-10, “Submit therefore to God. Resist the devil and he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded. 9 Be miserable and mourn and weep; let your laughter be turned into mourning and your joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the presence of the Lord, and He will exalt you.”
3. II Corinthians 7:8-11, “For though I caused you sorrow by my letter, I do not regret it; though I did regret it—for I see that that letter caused you sorrow, though only for a while— 9 I now rejoice, not that you were made sorrowful, but that you were made sorrowful to the point of repentance; for you were made sorrowful according to the will of God, so that you might not suffer loss in anything through us. 10 For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death. 11 For behold what earnestness this very thing, this godly sorrow, has produced in you.” The Corinthians experienced the Good Shame of Divine Sorrow, and they responded in Disciples Sorrow.
4. Acts 2:36-37, “Therefore let all the house of Israel know for certain that God has made Him both Lord and Christ—this Jesus whom you crucified. 37 Now when they heard this, they were pierced to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ‘Brethren, what shall we do?’”
5. But if they the individual doesn’t respond to Divine Sorrow with Disciple’s Sorrow, they will respond with . . .
Deadly Sorrow
1. This was the sorrow Paul mentioned in II Corinthians 7:10, “For the sorrow that is according to the will of God produces a repentance without regret, leading to salvation, but the sorrow of the world produces death.”
2. This is the sorrow that says, “I’m sad because I have regrets. I’m sad that I got caught. I’m sad that I’m experiencing the consequences of my choices. They’re not really focused on how they’ve sinned against God and others, they’re just consumed with what’s happening to them.
3. This is different than Daily Sorrow because sin is involved. And this is different than Discontentment Sorrow because it’s not something that’s happening to them due to no fault of their own, the sorrow they’re experiencing is happening to them because of their personal choices.
4. They don’t like what’s happening to them, but they also don’t think they need to change. We call it Deadly Sorrow because if the person doesn’t deal with their sin, that sin leads to death.
5. But there is hope. Instead of responding in Deadly Sorrow, they can respond Disciple’s Sorrow.

We all have experienced Daily Sorrow, but many of us allow the loss through which the Lord desires to refine us to tempt us to Discontented Sorrow. Thankfully, the Lord is gracious, and He provides Divine Sorrow that shows us the ugliness of our sin. But then we have a choice whether we will respond with Disciple’s Sorrow or Deadly Sorrow.

Luke 7:47, “For this reason I say to you, her sins, which are many, have been forgiven, for she loved much; but he who is forgiven little, loves little.”

Back to Iron Sharpens Iron