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LifeWork
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TranscriptIntroduction
I’m so glad you’ve returned for the third part of this short series, God’s Plan for Your Family. So far we’ve talked about what God doesn’t want our families doing, what He wants our families doing, and today we’re going to discuss what He wants each of our family members to be.
Of course, if you’ve haven’t heard parts 1 and 2, please go back and listen to those episodes first. And if you and your family are returning, you have your LifeWork, and you’ve read Colossians 3, then you’re ready to go. As always, please check out the description of this episode to access the free LifeWork, transcript, and links to related resources like podcasts episodes and series that will dive deeper into the ideas we unpack today as well as books and the Evermind App and even a discount link to use at MyPillow.com. And if you have finally decided that you want to partner with this ministry by becoming a monthly donor, that link is also in the description of today’s show. So, let’s get started. Topic
The best way to do the right things is to be the right thing. Why would a mechanic ever do a root canal on someone? Only dentists do that. And most dentists likely don’t want to change your oil or fix your AC.
What we are sets the expectation for what we’re to do, how we’re to do it, why we’re to do it, and the power in which we’re do it. On the first episode of this series we talked about the fact that none of the prohibitions or commands in Colossians 3 make any sense if we’re not a follower of Christ. If the God of the Bible tells someone to do something, that person won’t do it if they don’t believe in the God of the Bible. If you don’t love Jesus, and if you’re not in awe of how He has purchased your salvation, you’re not going to want to obey Him. But if we do love God the Father, God the Son, and God the Holy Spirit, then we absolutely will want to flee from immorality, impurity, evil passions, greed, idolatry, anger, wrath, malice, slander, abusive speech, and lying. And we’re going to run toward compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, bearing with one another, forgiveness, love, unity, peace, gratitude, robust Biblical truth, and wise teaching and admonishing in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. So, if we’re followers of God, and those are what we need to avoid and what we need to embrace, what else is there to talk about? Well, those of you who already read through the end of the chapter know that God is now going to be even more specific concerning how we’re to do the things He wants us to do. But before we get any further, will you please partner with us in our mission to glorify God by equipping families all over the world to be everything the Lord called and created them to be? You can visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate to start giving $5, $10, $25, $100, or any number of dollars you can each month. We will use that money to further the Gospel of Christ in the families of this world. Please click the link in the description to sign up to give tax-deductible donations to our 501(c)(3). Thank you for what you’ll do. Alright, let’s start by reading Colossians 3:18-25, “Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19 Husbands, love your wives and do not be embittered against them. 20 Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is pleasing to the Lord. 21 Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so that they will not lose heart. 22 Slaves, in all things obey those who are your masters according to the flesh, not with eyeservice, as men-pleasers, but with integrity of heart, fearing the Lord. 23 Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, 24 knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. Serve the Lord Christ. 25 For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.” So far our family plan says . . . 1. Our family follows Christ. 2. Because our family follows Christ, we put off sinful living, and . . . 3. Because our family follows Christ we put on righteous living. And today our family plan will add . . . 4. Because our family follows Christ we fulfill our God-given roles. Now, the passage we read starts with wives, and there are a lot of reasons God did that, but we’re not going to start there. We have a series about Christ-honoring authority in the home, and the reality is that God has put the husband and father in authority in the home. He has inherent authority and inherited authority in the home. Therefore, we’re going to start with dad and move through the authority structure in the family. A. Dad will love Mom and lead her in righteousness. (Colossians 3:19) Now, I’ve mentioned this before, but this study is designed to open our family’s eyes to God’s plan for our families. He has a big and beautiful plan, but in order to truly understand and grow in this plan, we have to get into the details. Immaturity is the result of ignorance and generality. Maturity is working out the specificity and submission to the details. Wouldn’t it be terrible if your dentist wanted to take care of a cavity or do a root canal or pull a tooth, and they didn’t know how important it was to using numbing agents to dull the pain? Dentists need to know a lot of very specific details in order to be good dentists. Mechanics need to know so much about how the different cars work and are built in order to do their jobs well. So too, we need to study hard all of the expectations God has for us if we’re going to fulfill what He’s called us to do. Therefore, it’s not good enough for dads to know that he has to love his wife and lead her in righteousness, he has to understand the full biblical reality concerning what love is and how someone is to lead another in righteousness, and what righteousness even is. And none of that is going to be helpful at all if he doesn’t then do what God has called him to do. We have so many resources from our Family Love series to our Family United in God to our Biblical Parents Series and our Biblical Families Series that dive even deeper into what it means for husbands to love their wives and not be embittered against them. However, so as not to miss a very important opportunity, please remember what Jesus taught us about servant leadership. We are not to lord our authority over anyone. We are to exercise it, yes, but we’re not to lord it over them. Whoever will be first, must be last. Jesus sacrificed Himself for those whom He loved. So too must the husband and father. We aren’t kings of the castle who are supposed to be served by everyone in the home; we are servants who are supposed to lead in the home. Of course, I’m not saying that your family shouldn't serve you as they’re commanded to serve everyone else in the family, but, dad, from your perspective, you’re not demanding that others serve you. Love is wanting and working toward God’s best interest for the one loved, and there’s nothing more loving than for you to live righteously in the light of God’s holiness, teaching your wife to do the same. What about the children, you ask. Well, we’re not there yet. As the husband is pursing Christlikeness by loving his wife and walking arm in arm with her and he’s living in a Christ-honoring way . . . B. Mom will submit to Dad as she submits to the Lord. (Colossians 3:18) It’s very important to recognize that Paul, under inspiration of the Holy Ghost, provides the motivation for why wives are to submit to their husbands. This isn’t about him being better. This isn’t about him being more worthy. She submits to her husband in the Lord. She does this in the power of Christ and to the glory of Christ. Submission is a dirty word in our culture, but it’s a beautiful word in the Bible. Jesus submitted to the will of the Father. Jesus submitted to His earthy authorities including His sinful parents and sinful governing authorities. This isn’t to say that He ever obeyed them when they wanted Him to sin, but He did put Himself under their authority, obeying them to the glory of the Father. The church is submit to Christ, children are to submit to their parents, everyone is to submit to the inherited authority of God’s people . . . submission is a beautiful, humble, and glorious practice with which we all need much more practice. Wives, this means that you are recognizing the inherent authority of your husband, and you also submit to the inherited authority of your husband as he’s submitting to God and lovingly leading you in righteousness. And, again, you’re to do this out of obedience and love for your God. Now, you might be asking about what happens if dad does something he’s not supposed to do. Who’s his authority to reprove, correct, and train him? Well, first, I’ll say that we haven’t gotten to that yet. Second, I’m going to encourage you the same way Jesus did . . . focus first on the log in your own eye. Deal with your own sin and pursue your own obedience before demanding that everyone else obey God better than you do. C. The Children will obey Dad and Mom as they strive to please the Lord. (Colossians 3:20) “Children, obey your parents in all things, for this is pleasing to the Lord.” Do you see how important it was that we started with our identity in Christ? There’s no reason to obey your parents if you’re not trying to please the Lord. That’s why kids all over the world don’t obey their parents. It doesn’t make any sense to the darkened mind to do things I don’t want to do . . . it doesn’t matter who told me to do it. By the way, if you think like that, you have a sinful, darkened mind as well. Though we never have to obey someone who’s telling us to sin against God, we absolutely have to do what we’re told otherwise. Obedience is the fruit of submission. As I put myself under someone’s authority, I will obey them as they teach, command, reprove, correct, train, admonish, rebuke, and edify me. Now, before I move on, some people like to point out that submission is not the same as obedience. And that’s not technically inaccurate, but they are necessarily related. To submit is a readiness to obey. But you can obey without submitting. Here’s how it works, obedience says “I do what you tell me to do.” Submission says “I place myself under your authority.” That means that submission establishes the relationship; obedience expresses that relationship in action. As I mentioned, a person can theoretically obey without being submissive. For example, someone might obey a command because they're forced to, while internally resisting the authority giving it. Our Teach Your Children to Obey series shows us that this kind of external obedience doesn’t truly please the Lord, even if it looks like obedience on the outside. Conversely, someone can submit without having a specific command to obey at that moment. Submission acknowledges the person's authority even when no particular instruction has been issued. That's why the two concepts shouldn't simply be treated as synonyms, but also why you can’t argue that submission doesn’t require obedience. It’s also a nod to the fact that children are immature and often unsaved. But just because they can’t obey to the glory of God in the right way and for the right reason doesn’t mean they shouldn’t at least offer superficial obedience. It’s not good enough, but it’s a necessary starting place. However, mature believers are also commanded to willfully place themselves under another’s authority. Submission is a joy. It’s a privilege. It’s something that requires a mature desire to glorify God. Okay, husbands love and lead their wives, wives submit to their husbands, children obey their parents. Yes, moms have inherent authority over their children, and they should also exercise inherited authority . . . and children must obey. D. Dad and Mom will provoke the Children to righteous living and not provoke them toward sinful living. (Colossians 3:21; Ephesians 6:4) We have an episode all about provocative parenting . . . the good kind and the bad kind that deals with this passage and its sister passage in Ephesians. A lot of bad teaching has circulated about what it means to provoke your kids to wrath or exasperate them, but we need to understand these ideas as the Scriptures teach them. We parents, and—yes—that term translated “father” is used elsewhere in Scripture for parents in general . . . we need to avoid that which will put stumbling blocks into our kids lives. That’s sinning against them, and we must flee from that. Please check out the Provocative Parenting episode to learn how we sin against our kids in this way. E. Everyone will obey our authorities in all things, not merely to please our authority, but—more importantly—because we fear the Lord and want to serve Him. (Colossians 3:22-24) After talking about the family dynamic, Colossians 3 broadens the discussion to masters and servants. But here’s the thing. There are a number of different authority dynamics that God has woven into our society. We have governments, teachers, employers, and the spiritual inherited authority of God’s people. And it doesn’t matter who we’re obeying and to whom we’re submitting ourselves, we need to do it—first and foremost—because we love and fear God. We need to submit and obey heartily as unto the Lord. And this is where we learn that even dad and mom have authorities outside of the house to whom they need to submit. Dads don’t get to break the law. Dads need to submit to their employers. But everyone in the home, dads, moms, sons and daughters need to submit to the one anothers that God commands His people to do for each other. This is that inherited authority I kept taking about. And inherited authority can come from anyone anywhere. Inherited authority is when someone opens God’s Word to say something like, “God’s not pleased when we live like that.” This is called reproof, rebuke, admonishment, etc. The person isn’t telling you not to steal or lie or say unkind things because they are the authority and they have decided you shouldn’t do those things . . . they’re telling us not to sin because our Creator God tells us not to sin. That means that the best authority for dad to wield is inherited authority. Why fall back on my own authority when I can lean on God’s? But that also means that—let’s say—the youngest person in your family sees the parents in an argument. They can lovingly and respectfully and carefully share with their parents that the Bible teaches that the anger of man doesn’t accomplish the purposes of God. And not only is there nothing wrong with that, not only is that a beautiful thing, but dad and mom would be wise to submit to God’s authority that was lovingly brought to their attention by their child. And the same goes for unbelievers. When I was younger and far too often living in rebellion to God, from time to time I would have unsaved people tell me, “Aren’t you a Christian. I though Christians weren’t supposed to do that.” Even though that unsaved teenager wasn’t my authority, if he or she rightly spoke God’s truth, they were unknowingly exercising inherited authority, and I would have been wise to submit to God’s authority spoken through their words. Now, you might be saying, “Aaron, the passage doesn’t talk about all of that. It’s talking to servants and their masters.” It’s true, this passage deals with submission and obedience in relation to slaves and masters, but this is the foundational truth we learn in other places in Scripture about inherited authority. It absolutely applies to our family plan and is taught and exemplified all throughout the Bible. Also, I know that this idea of children exercising inherited authority over their parents is always a startling thing for anyone to hear, and I speak often about it at live conferences and on this podcast and in my book about family strife. The key is that God commands Christians to reprove, rebuke, admonish, teach, and correct each other in truth and love. Obviously, it needs to be done the right way, otherwise it’s disobedience and doesn’t please the Lord. But assuming it’s done the right way, and assuming that my child is a born again Christian, then yes, I—the father—absolutely need to submit to the biblical truth my child is lovingly sharing with me. Now, I spent more time on that than I planned simply because I know that it can be startling and people can abuse this idea by trying to do it the wrong way, so I wanted to provide a little more detail than I have on the other points. The key is that our family plan needs to include the fact that we absolutely will submit to God’s truth regardless of who’s speaking it, and we absolutely will obey all of our authorities to the glory of God. And finally . . . F. Everyone will receive the consequences of our sinful choices with a good attitude because we understand that consequences come from God. (Colossians 3:25) The last verse in Colossians 3 says “For he who does wrong will receive the consequences of the wrong which he has done, and that without partiality.” We have a short series all about biblical consequences. In that study we learn about the importance of primary consequences and secondary consequences. We also learn that consequences are a loving thing designed to help us. Therefore, when we sin, when we fail at our family plan, part of fixing the problem will be to accept our consequences with a good attitude recognizing that God wants to use them to help us mature and, therefore, keep our family plan better. Conclusion
So, there’s your family plan. It’s not your family plan because I said so or the parents said so, it needs to be your family plan because God says so.
I pray that everyone in your family is a born again follower of Christ, and I pray that reality motivates all of you to pursue the glory of God by running from sin, running to righteousness, and doing so within the unique roles God has given you in your family. If you need help putting this plan into action in your family, please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894. And also share this series on social media . . . and be sure to tag us so we can interact with you there. Also, go to TruthLoveParent.com/donate to become a monthly donor, and then join us next week as we finish this season with a look into Graduation Day.
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