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TranscriptIntroduction
Welcome back to our short God’s Plan for Your Family series. If you’re just joining us, please start with last week’s episode, and then we’ll see you back here when you’re done with that one.
If you’re returning with your family, I hope you have your Bibles and LifeWork paper. Today we’re going to talk about the kinds of things our families need to be doing if we’re going to please the Lord. As aways, you can access that free LifeWork via a link in the description of today’s episode. Our bog at TruthLoveParent.com has all of our free episode notes, transcripts, and links to a plethora of related resources. Those links are really important because they keep the conversation going by broadening and deepening our understanding of the information into which we can’t take the time today to dig as deep. So, let’s get started. Topic
On our last episode we covered two important truths.
First, we were reminded of the fact that our ultimate authority gets to decide how we live our lives. Now, before I continue today, please think carefully about this and be honest. I want to challenge you to tell your family members if you don’t truly and fully believe that the God of the Bible is (or should be) your family’s ultimate authority. Many of you live like you don’t believe it. If you believe it, then you need to start living the way He commands you to live, but if you don’t believe it, will you please just be honest with your family members? Let them know that you don’t believe in the God of the Bible and that you don’t believe you need to obey Him. Whatever you do, don’t live a lie. Be honest. That will be better for everyone. Of course, I believe that you absolutely need to love and obey the God of the Bible. He’s our Creator and King, and He wants to be your Savior. And if you believe that, then you absolutely need to live like it’s true. We need to stop saying that we believe things our lives prove aren’t true. And then our second point was that if our family is following Christ, we absolutely need to stop being immoral, impure, sinfully passionate, desirous of evil, greedy, idolatrous, sinfully angry, wrathful, malicious, slanderous, abusive in our speech, and liars. Imagine if Jesus is walking due north. We can’t say we’re following Him if we’re walking south, east, or west. Even if we’re walking north north east, we’re not really following Him. It won’t be long before we’re going a completely different way. The same is true of our behavior. If you’re a Christian, you’ve been called to follow Jesus. You’ve been commanded to live like Him. You can’t pursue sin and truly be following Christ. That’s why your family—all of our families—needs to be serious about having a plan that we won’t do the things God says are sin. Of course, it’s not enough to have a plan . . . we have to work that plan too. But we’ll talk more about that later. But before we get to our topic today—the things we should be doing as followers of Christ—I want to remind you that we’re in great need of your financial support. If you would be so kind as to visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate, you can sign up to be a monthly donor. Your giving will help us pay our bills and keep this ministry going. Our podcast is heard all over the world, the Evermind App has a ton of free and paid resources, my book, “Quit: how to stop family strife for good” was designed to help all Christian families follow Christ better and work their family plan, and our speaking and counseling seek to do nothing more than glorify God by helping families. And you can help us as we help families by becoming a monthly donor. Again, please check out TruthLoveParent.com/donate to give today. Okay, now let’s talk about the other side of the point we made last week. If we’re followers of Christ, we should’t do the things He tells us not to do, and that means that we absolutely need to do the things He tells us to do. So, what does He tell us to do? Well, again, there are so many commands in the entirety of Scripture, and so many of them are for us. We need to know God better by studying the Bible. As we encounter commands, principles, and expectations, we need to strive to obey them and help the other people in our families do the same. But this Family Plan project is designed to be simple and broad, and it’s all based in Colossians chapter 3. Hopefully, you’ve all read that chapter at least once this week. Now, I’m going to read verses 12 through 17. Start listening to the kinds of things God wants us doing. “So, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on a heart of compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience; 13 bearing with one another, and graciously forgiving each other, whoever has a complaint against anyone, just as the Lord graciously forgave you, so also should you. 14 Above all these things put on love, which is the perfect bond of unity. 15 And let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, to which indeed you were called in one body, and be thankful. 16 Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, with all wisdom teaching and admonishing one another with psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with gratefulness in your hearts to God. 17 And whatever you do in word or deed, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through Him.” That word “elect” means that God chose us specifically to live this way. The word “holy” refers to something that is set apart for a specific job. I like to use the example of a toothbrush. Your toothbrush has one job—to brush your teeth. You don’t want other people to brush their teeth with your toothbrush, and you definitely don’t want anyone cleaning the toilet with your toothbrush. Your toothbrush is holy for your mouth only. In the same way, God is saying that He chose us to be set apart—away from sin and to righteousness. Now, we don’t earn our salvation by doing good things, but because God loved us and saved us (and hopefully everyone in your family knows the Gospel and believes it)—because He loves us, we desire to please Him by doing those things that make Him happy. So, because God chose us to be set apart and beloved, there’s a list of things He wants us to do. 3. Because Our Family Follows Christ We Put On Righteous Living. A. We will put on a heart of compassion. (Colossians 3:12) The Greek word translated “compassion” refers to a person’s bowels. Now, to a modern mind, that sounds strange, but this was the ancient equivalent of thinking about the heart as the seat of love. Emotions were attributed to a part of the human body. Of course, we know that neither the intestines nor the heart are the seat of our emotions. Our whole body is part of the chemical process by which we experience emotion. By the way, if you’re interested in what the Bible says about the purpose and place of emotions in our lives, I have a resources linked for you in the description. For the sake of this study, I need to point out that this word actually has little to do with the actual experience of emotions and far more to do with the decision to relate to people in a merciful, compassionate way. In fact, this Greek word is translated mercy and mercies more than it’s rendered “compassion.” God is merciful to us. He doesn’t treat us how we deserve to be treated. He is loving and merciful and gracious, and the Father wants us to be that same way with others. We so often try to justify treating people poorly because of what they did to us, but that is the exact opposite of mercy. Again, I wish we could sit on each of these themes and study what the Bible says about them all, but we simply can’t dedicate that time today. This is an overview to set the trajectory for our families. Our Family Plan needs to set before us God’s expectations. The joy of parenting and family life is that we get to pursue these topics together for the rest of our lives. Are you compassionate with your family members . . . especially the ones that get under your skin? And speaking of topics I wish we could spend way more time on . . . B. We will put on kindness. (Colossians 3:12) I really wish there were an English word that better translated this Greek word. Unfortunately, the way most people define “kindness” makes this a terrible rendering of the original intent. The underlying Greek word actually has to do with that which is good, excellent, upright, and righteous. To be kind is to do what’s in a person’s best interest. Real kindness isn’t a tone of voice or making the other person feel good; true kindness involves doing what is right as you relate to that person. It may be fun and enjoyable, but the kind thing to do might also be to tell the person that they’re wrong, give them consequences, and have a sober conversation about their sin. Being kind is not simply being “nice.” We’re not commanded by God to be nice. We’re commanded by Him to be good to each other. Are you truly, biblically kind to your family? Do you consider how God would want you relating to that person? Do you elevate God’s righteousness above man’s silly understanding of what it is to be nice? C. We will put on humility. (Colossians 3:12) This topic is so important. I could do a whole season-long series about this and just barely scratch the surface. Humility is the opposite of pride. Pride is thinking about myself—what do I want, what makes me feel good, how does this make me feel, what are my desires? Humility is not thinking about myself at all. My first thoughts are about what God wants me to do, and my second thoughts are about how best to love and serve the people around me. I then trust the Lord to take care of me as I obey Him. Now, that doesn’t mean that aren’t to wisely steward our time and legitimate needs like health. It’s never right to sin, and neglecting to care for our spirits and bodies because we’re killing ourselves taking care of everyone else isn’t pleasing to the Lord. The point I’m trying to make is that we all need to be less selfish, less self-worshipping, less focused on everything we want, and more focused on what God wants. The two greatest commands are to love God and love others. We’re never commanded to love ourselves, but the observation is made that because we’re selfish . . . we already love ourselves. Therefore, our family must work to be humble. It goes against our flesh to set aside our desires, but Jesus is the perfect example of this. I encourage your family to read Philippians chapter 2 where we get a divine picture of the humility of Jesus. And if the Creator-God-King of the universe can set aside what He deserves to love and serve us . . . we need to do that with each other. D. We will put on gentleness. (Colossians 3:12) Here’s another very important biblical idea that most people misunderstand. The two common misunderstandings are these. First, people think that gentleness (sometimes translated “meekness”) is weakness. It’s an inability to be more or powerful. Second, just like with the idea of kindness, people think that “gentleness” is a tone of voice or a set of vocabulary words. Of this word, Vine’s Complete Expository Dictionary says, “it consists not in a person’s outward behavior only; nor yet in his relations to his fellow-men; as little in his mere natural disposition. Rather it is an inwrought grace of the soul; and the exercises of it are first and chiefly towards God. It is that temper of spirit in which we accept His dealings with us as good, and therefore without disputing or resisting . . . . It is only the humble heart which is also the meek, and which, as such, does not fight against God and more or less struggle and contend with Him. This meekness, however, being first of all a meekness before God, is also such in the face of men, even of evil men, out of a sense that these, with the insults and injuries which they may inflict, are permitted and employed by Him for the chastening and purifying of His elect.” It goes on to say something very important, “The meaning of [this word] is not readily expressed in English, for the terms meekness, mildness, commonly used, suggest weakness and pusillanimity to a greater or less extent, whereas [this word] does nothing of the kind. Nevertheless, it is difficult to find a rendering less open to objection than ‘meekness’; ‘gentleness’ has been suggested, but as [this Greek word] describes a condition of mind and heart, and as ‘gentleness’ is appropriate rather to actions, this word is no better than that used in both English Versions. It must be clearly understood, therefore, that the meekness manifested by the Lord and commended to the believer is the fruit of power. The common assumption is that when a man is meek it is because he cannot help himself; but the Lord was ‘meek’ because he had the infinite resources of God at His command. Described negatively, meekness is the opposite to self-assertiveness and self-interest; it is equanimity of spirit that is neither elated nor cast down, simply because it is not occupied with self at all.” This word refers to power under control. I may have the power to reject God and not trust Him, but I won’t exercise that power. I might have the power to do harm and sin, but I refuse. It’s an attitude that is first directed to God and requires humility, and then and only then can I relate to others in appropriate ways God’s will demands. We must therefore know God and study His Word in order to truly be meek. Before we move to the next point, I want us to consider the trajectory we’ve seen. We need to truly desire the good of God and others. We need to interact with those relationships in the holy and righteous ways God demands. And that requires that I pursue God’s will and others’ best. This means I’ll humbly set aside my expectations. And it’s that humility that will lead to the powerful control that allows me to do the hard thing in the moment. And one of those hard things we need to frequently within a family is . . . E. We will put on patience. (Colossians 3:12) Patience requires that we endure with people. Too often we think of patience as not saying something while watching someone else do something they shouldn’t. No. Patience is lovingly and steadfastly forbearing them as you humbly love them by being biblically kind and gentle. It will involve the hard process of parenting and discipleship and counsel that truly are a never-ending work. It means helping people be successful even when it requires that we set aside what we would rather be doing. We will never be patient with people if we’re not first gracious and kind and humble. If anyone in your family struggles with being patient, you can know right here that they are not compassionate, kind, humble, or gentle. This may be because they’re immature, but it may also be because they’re not saved. They don’t have access to the power of God to live like Christ and follow Him. Don’t ignore these sins and shortcomings. Our Family Plan is steadfast and adamant about obeying God because it’s too easy to make excuses. But our sin is the result of a much deeper spiritual issue. Moving on . . . F. We will bear with one another. (Colossians 3:13) The idea of bearing with someone is similar to the idea of patience. But it’s a little more powerful of a word. It refers to enduing and standing up under pressure. We can think of it not as the casual patience of a parent willing to wait a couple extra minutes for a child to learn to tie his or her shoes, but of someone who tends to the sickbed of a loved one, the person who ministers to the chronically ill, and the person who walks through deep distress and anguish with another. It has the idea of holding up under suffering. There’s a terrible idea in our culture that says we need to cut off all difficult relationships. That’s not what the Bible says. We need to forbear with each other and help each other stand up under the difficult and move toward the glory of God. G. We will forgive each other. (Colossians 3:13) We have a number of resources about forgiveness, so I’ll link those for you if you want to do a deeper dive into the biblical concept. For now, though, ask yourself this. When someone in your home sins against you, do they ask you to forgive them? If they do, do you truly forgive them for what they did, or to you continue to rehearse in your head what they did, do you hold it against them, or do you get angry and bitter about what they did? True forgiveness rarely forgets, but it does place the sin under the blood of Christ. What God has forgiven, how can we continue to hold against the person? It’s not easy to do, but we must as a family forgive as God has forgiven us. H. We will put on love. (Colossians 3:14) Okay, so this is another concept our culture regularly misunderstands. It would take me days to explain all the wrong ways the World defines “love.” So, instead, I’ll biblical define it here and encourage your family to list to the Family Love Series. That series carefully works through the Scriptures to help us truly, biblically understand what God’s talking about when He says we need to love each other. Love is wanting and working toward God’s best interest in a person’s life. It will be compassionate and kind and gentle and humble and patient and forgiving. Love isn’t a feeling. It doesn’t matter what you feel about someone, if you’re not doing what God commands in this passage (and many other places in Scripture), you’re absolutely not loving that person. It doesn’t matter what the other person thinks about you either. They may think you’re they’re best friend, and they may absolutely have a blast hanging out with you, but if you’re sinning together, you’re being hateful and unloving. Do you really love your family? I’m not talking about how you feel about them? Do you really want and work toward God’s will for their lives? Now, imagine a family who did all of these consistently . . . not perfectly . . . but purposefully. How unified do you think you’d be? I. We will be unified. (Colossians 3:14) Family disunity is always a result of sin. All the things we discussed last week will absolutely divide your family. I wrote a book called “Quit: how to stop family strife for good.” I encourage you to get a copy and read it with your family. One person said it’s 500 pages of information in a 100 page book. We also have a family devotional series called A Family United in God which I’ll link for you in the description. True unity can only come as we submit to Christ and love each other as God loves us. And it’s this kind of family that will have peace. J. We will let the peace of Christ rule in our hearts. (Colossians 3:15) The peace of Christ is not necessarily the cessation of hostilities. It’s not necessarily always a good feeling. Peace is a soul rest tied very closely to meekness that is able to endure difficulty. It’s a joy that comes with trial. It’s a confidence that comes with uncertainty. It’s tied directly to our trust in the Lord and our submission to His will. Our Peaceful Parenting series works through the book of Philippians to teach us how to have peace no matter what God and others bring into our lives. And the series is obviously applicable beyond parenting. And when we’re humble and loving and righteous and at peace . . . K. We will be thankful. (Colossians 3:15) Discontentment, ingratitude, and complaining should never appear in a Christian home. God is so good, we never have anything to complain about. But we are discontent and ungrateful when we’re proud and self-absorbed and pursuing our own will instead of God’s. However, when we understand Who God is and what we deserve, and we look at our lives and families through the lens of God’s truth, we will realize that we have an infinite amount for which to be thankful. Even the hardships and difficulties of life (through which God allows us to be at peace and content) are things for which we can thank the Lord. Now, here’s another good place to stop and to remind us that merely talking about these things or writing them down on a Family Plan is not a guarantee that we’ll grow in these areas. These will take hard work, determination, obedience, and the power of the Holy Spirit. This Family Plan is the goal toward which our family has said, “We’re going to fight to get there. We’re going to do whatever it takes—together—to become who God wants us to be.” It will take much study of the Scriptures, accountability, consequences, apologies and forgiveness, sanctification, love, and humility. And I pray that this study is setting this Family Plan not as an impossible task but as something we can achieve to the gory of God and in His power. Now, imagine a family where everyone knows God and His Word well enough to understand how to be all of these things. They run from sin and they run toward righteousness. That will be a family where the Bible is at the very center of all they say and do. L. We will let the word of Christ richly dwell in us. (Colossians 3:16) The Word of Christ is the Bible—the whole Bible. And God wants it to dwell in us. He wants it to actually permanently live in us. But not just live in us . . . He wants it to dwell in us richly. This word means abundantly. If you’re my age, you may have grown up watching Duck Tales. If you did, then you remember how insanely rich Scrooge McDuck was. That’s the way the Lord wants His Word to live in our lives—lavishly, opulently, and abundantly. But that will never happen if we don’t work hard. Scrooge McDuck didn’t get all that money by being lazy. And the Bible will not be the source of all of our decision-making and reacting if we’re not working hard to read it, study it, memorize it, meditate on it, and obey it. Only then will it dwell richly in us. And when we’re filled with God’s Word, it can’t help but come out of us. Like a cup filled to the brim with water, when it gets jostled, only water comes out . . . so too will we speak God’s truth when we open our mouths. M. We will teach and admonish each other in all wisdom and teaching. (Colossians 3:16) Does your family work to help everyone else in your family to better know, understand, and worship God? Are you all working together to help each other become Christians and grow in conformity to Christ? That’s what God wants for all of our families. And finally . . . N. Whatever we do in word or deed, we will do all things in the name of the Lord Jesus and give thanks. (Colossians 3:17) This family plan isn’t about finding a way to make the family work. It’s not about making life easy for us. It’s not about the parents or the kids pursing their will. This is about doing everything and saying everything in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ. The ultimate goal of our Family Plan needs to be worshipping God. We need to pursue it all for His glory and His glory alone. Will it benefit us? Of course it will, but that won’t be our purpose. Conclusion
Thank you for hanging out just a little longer today.
Please check out the links in the description. Please share this series with your friends. Please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if we can serve your family. And please join us next week for the conclusion of this short study as we better understand the roles God has for our family members. I’ll see you then.
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