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Episode Notes
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TranscriptIntroduction
I’m glad you and your family are back for this part of our study. It’s one thing to know what your identity is and understand the resources available to you . . . it’s something completely different to actually use those resources to become a biblically useful member of your family.
I hope you’ll avail yourself of the LifeWork, transcript, and related resources all linked for you in the description of this episode. Our blog, Taking Back the Family, is a treasure trove of audio and written content designed to help your family glorify God more and more. So, let’s take everything we’ve learned so far and try to put it all into use in our lives. Topic
Before we start, though, it’s very important that you understand something about “application.” Good application is truthful, but the best application is specific. I have a couple resources linked for you in the description that will discuss this in more detail, but the part I want us all thinking about today is how to make our application specific to us. We all need to love God better, but what that means for you on Tuesday evening at 6:37pm in your family may very likely be very different from what I’m experiencing at that exact same time.
If we’re too general with our application, it will be easy to think we’re already doing it. “I love God.” It will also not truly help us when we’re in the moment and tempted to hate GOd’s plan and act hatefully to the person in front of us. But a specific application should jog our memory because it was uniquely created for that particular moment. Okay, so one more thing. I love creating these resources for you and your family. I pray God uses them in powerful ways in your life. We try as hard as we can to pack them full of biblical truth and application. But in a very short time we may have to stop creating these resources. We need families like yours—families that have been impacted by the biblical truth presented in their podcasts—to partner with us financially. Some of you may be able to give $100 a month, but others maybe only 50, 25, or even 5. Please don’t not give because you don’t think it will make a different. I assure you that everything will help. Please visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate to become a monthly donor so that we can continue creating this content, speaking, counseling, writing, and helping families all over the world. And now, let’s review where we’ve been. Everyone in your family is called to be a prisoner, worker, soldier, and Christ-honoring family member. And we have plenty of resources to do the job. But we must now stop to acknowledge and inconvenient reality. First, everything that follows is a direct command for all Christians. Second, all Christians have everything they need to do what God commands and, therefore, no excuses. Third, non-Christians do not have the resources available to them to live the way God is about to command us and enjoy the blessings God is about to enumerate. Fourth, if you believe you are a Christian, but the people closest to you cannot describe you as a prisoner of Christ, a worker for God, a solider of the Lord, or an active participant in the family of God, then there is a huge problem. It’s true that Christians sin, but unbelievers are characterized by their sin. So, fifth, if you are not a prisoner of the Lord. If you aren’t on God’s workforce or in His army or part of His family, please submit to Him Who loves you with an everlasting love. Drink deep from His water that quenches your deepest thirst. Consume His bread that gives eternal life. Follow after the Supreme God of the universe, your Creator, the One Who sacrificed His sinless self to snatch you from death. If you or someone else in your family isn’t truly a child of God, please listen to our Biblical Families series. That study steps you through I John to be able to identify if you’re genuinely born again and what to do if you’re not. And sixth, when you become a child of God, you will then not only have access to the resources necessary to fulfill God’s expectations, but you’ll also have a new purpose for your life. And part of that purpose encompasses all that comes next. 1. According to verses 4, 10, 19, and 22, our relationships must have a common foundation of spirituality. This is the foundational factor in all relationships. Whether or not the other individual is born again informs how the child of God is to relate to them. Now, I’m not talking about the world’s understanding and fixation on what they call “spirituality.” I’m talking about the spirituality identified in the Scriptures. Spirituality is when we conform our beliefs, desires, actions, words, and feelings to God’s will for our lives. If you are not born again, if you’re not striving to think like the Father and act like Jesus Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit, then you will never be a spiritually useful member of your family. On the other hand, if you are a Christian, but you are a double-minded person who vacillates between true worship of God and self-worship, then a useful relationship with you will look very different. However, only when everyone in the family is a maturing believer can the whole family benefit from the supreme joy and blessing of everyone functioning usefully to God’s glory and all of their good. If there is anyone in your family who isn’t born again, you should be praying for them and sharing the Gospel with them so that they too can see the amazing grace of God. And even if they continue to reject His love and salvation, you should continue to faithfully pray and speak of God’s offer of salvation and the consequences of rejecting it. If members of the family are true Christians, but they’re choosing to step away from the light into the selfish sins of self-worship, you need to lovingly confront them with God’s truth, beckoning them to change and mature in Christ. As brothers and sisters in Christ, you have the joint responsibility with each other to perform the One Anothers. This includes love and edification, but it also includes rebuke, reproof, and admonishment. If your family members are saved and growing, God wants to use you to help them become more mature and stronger in the faith. We have many episodes about evangelism and discipleship that can assist you in knowing how you are to practically relate to the other members of your family in regard to their spirituality or lack thereof. I also recommend you work through the Evidences of Spiritual Life if you have any questions about whether or not you or someone else in your family is truly a maturing Christian. 2. As we’ve previously seen, according to verses 2 and 16 our relationships should be familial. It’s unfortunate that modern families often exhibit the worst interpersonal relationships. I have interacted with countless friend groups and teams and communities of people who are not Christians and not related to each other who get along far better than so many actual families in the church. In God’s plan, your family is to be the pinnacle toward which all relationships reach and with which they are compared. The relationship of a husband and wife is a picture of Christ’s love and care for His people and His people’s submission to His authority. The relationship between parents and children as well is a picture of the beautiful relationship the Father has with His children. And the relationship of siblings is supposed to mirror the glorious relationship Christians are to have with each other. How sad it is when families who profess to be followers of Christ exhibit the worst of their behavior in the home. We have many resources concerning the roles and relationships of your family. I would say the best resource with which to start would be the Family United in God Family Devotional. Moving on . . . 3. According to verses 12, 13, and 22, on what should our relationships be founded? As you scan those verses, you’ll notice that none of them identify one obvious word to write in the blank. Instead, what you’ll see is the fruit of one of the resources we discussed last time. During our last session we learned that love is one of the amazing resources the Lord provides for us to be useful in our family. Verses 12, 13, and 22 illustrate one aspect of familial love. In verses 12 and 13, Paul explains how he sent Onesimus back to Philemon even though he would have very happily kept Onesimus with him in Rome. And in verse 22, Paul writes about how much he longs to see Philemon again. One of the natural consequences of true biblical love is that we should long to spend time with each other. The other person does not have to be delightful and winsome for us to want to interact with them. In the same way God’s love pursues us when we were His enemies, so our love should constrain us to pursue others. How about you? Do you truly enjoy spending time with your family? If not, why? If you’re quick to answer that with an accusation against them, please understand that your answer is untrue. You don’t enjoy spending time with them because you don’t truly love the Lord and that family member as you should. Now, I’ll admit, it’s a lot easier in our sinful flesh to want to spend time with people who are nice to us, but I used to work in a home for at-risk teen boys, and—though I failed in this regard on many occasions—I truly enjoyed spending time with them. At those moments, in the in power of the Holy Spirit, I wasn’t considering my own desires. Instead, I was pursuing God’s glory and the good of those boys. I knew they needed to know Him and grow in Him, and so I truly enjoyed even the difficult moments with them because I knew that was part of God’s plan for their lives. If you want to be more useful in your family, start prioritizing God’s will and the good of your family, and start enjoying being with them. 4. According to verse 8 and 21, our relationships should allow us to boldly speak truth into each other’s lives. Like Ephesians 4:15 commands, we should enjoy speaking the truth in love so that others are built up in Christ. If we shy away from lovingly unveiling God’s Word for others, it’s a revelation that we are not loving as we should. Do you deliberately lie to your family? Are you so strongly influenced by the delusions of this world that you inadvertently speak falsehoods? Do you encourage each other in their sin, or do you point them sinner to the Scriptures? If you or members of your family struggle speaking in truth and love for the glory of God, I suggest you listen to our one-off episode entitled “The Communication House.” It too will be linked for you in the description of today’s episode. Remember, this episode is an overview episode. As you identify the big-picture ways you need to apply the truth we’ve learned and start being more useful in your family, the linked resources will help to unpack each of these applications in more detail and with more Scripture. They will be very helpful as you strive to be more and more specific in your personal application. Remember, the more specific the application is, and the more detailed it is, the more beneficial it will be in helping you change. 5. According to verse 9, our relationships should be founded on love, which should allow our admonishments to be easily and readily what? Verse 9 reads, “yet for love’s sake I rather plead with you—since I am such a person as Paul, the aged, and now also a prisoner of Christ Jesus.” This whole letter is Paul’s advice to Philemon. Instead of being uncertain whether Philemon would accept his advice and act on it, Paul was confident that he would do the right thing. The word that goes in the blank is “accepted.” Since we are all sinful, there will be times of weakness that we pursue our selfish desires. When that happens, you useful and loving family members should reprove and rebuke you. In those moments, if you want to be a useful member of your family, then you need to accept their biblical correction. When we love God and others, and our fellow believers speak God’s truth to us, our love for the Lord should compel us to submit to His Word. No doubt there is plenty of specific and detailed application for you on this point. Do you remember the last time a parent or sibling had to confront you about something you did or said that was wrong? How did you initially respond? Well, if we love God and others, then you probably should have responded in a very different way. You should humbly accept the truth and strive to implement it into your life by putting off the sin, renewing your mind in the Scriptures, and putting on the righteousness of Christ. Again, we have plenty of resources that help in this regard, but you will need to develop a personal plan for how you can respond in a better way the next time someone has to confront you about your sin. 6. According to verse 21, by what should our relationships be characterized? Verse 21 says, “Having confidence in your obedience, I write to you, since I know that you will do even more than what I say.” As we’ve seen, this is an inescapable reality. All prisoners, workers, soldiers, and children must submit to God’s commands. Obedience should be our passion. We don’t have the right to decide that God’s expectations are wrong. We don’t get to do whatever we want. We have been born again to follow Christ and be more like Him. If our Savior did nothing more nor less than pursue the will of His Father, so too should we. We have a fantastic resource called Teach Your Children to Obey that can help all of us better understand what God means when He talks about obedience. I’ll tell you this much . . . simply doing the right thing in the right way may still be very disobedient. Check out the description of the episode for that link. Before we move to our next point, just imagine for a moment if everyone in your family were obedient to their authorities. But now consider yourself. Are you obedient? When was the last time you disobeyed an authority. And—listen—this question isn’t just for the kids. We all are required by God to obey Him and the authorities in our lives. Okay, so consider the last time you disobeyed. How can you stop doing that in the future. What plans and processes can help you obey in that situation? As you think about this, hopefully you’ll recognize that you need to pursue God’s glory instead of your own comfort. You’ll also need some help from your family to remain accountable to obedience. Again, the best application is unique to you, so talk with your family members about how you in particular can obey better in your home. And if you need more professional assistance on this point, you should reach out to [email protected] so one of our biblical counselors can partner with you to help you learn how to obey to the glory of God. 7. In verses 12, 13, 16, and 22, we should be doing what for each other? I’m going to read all 4 of those verses with no breaks. “I have sent him back to you in person, that is, my very heart, 13 whom I intended to keep with me, so that on your behalf he might minister to me in my chains for the gospel. No longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord. 22 And at the same time also prepare me a lodging, for I hope that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.” What do these verses illustrate? What was Paul doing for Onesimus and Philemon by sending Onesimus back to Colassae? What did Paul want Philemon to do for him? There are probably a lot of words that could be used, but I chose the word “serving.” Paul served these men by sending Onesimus back home. He was inviting Philemon to serve him if he had a chance to leave Rome. The most loving thing we can do for another is to want and work toward God’s best interest. And, as we’ve seen so far, that involves serving each other. One of the ways we serve God is to serve each other. In Romans 15:25 Paul wrote that he was “going to Jerusalem to serve the saints.” Galatians 5:13 reads, “For you were called to freedom, brothers; only do not turn your freedom into an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.” Do you wake up in the morning asking the Lord how you can serve your family today? Talk about a useful family member! I want to challenge you to take all of these applications seriously in your life. We’re disobeying God if we pick and choose the ones we want to do. That means that we absolutely need to have a plan for serving our family members. 8. According to verse 14, what should characterized our relationships? I’ll give you a hint: Paul knew that because of this trait in Philemon, Paul wouldn’t have to use compulsion to get Philemon to obey. Verse 14 says, “But without your consent I did not want to do anything, so that your goodness would not be, in effect, by compulsion but voluntary.” The word for which we’re looking is “goodness.” Are you known by this character trait? In addition to being readily identified as being loving, God’s people are to known for their righteousness. Christians should be good. This word is sometimes translated “good treasure” or kind. It refers to doing that which is beneficial, morally right, and when it’s used of God Himself refers to absolute and consummate goodness. This is more than mere outward obedience. Do you desire, in the core of your being to be holy and righteous and just? We need to if we’re going to be useful in our relationships. 9. Also in verse 14 we learn that our relationships should be characterized by willingness to do all that God commands. Grudging obedience is never truly obedience. We must be joyfully willing to submit. Are you willing to serve and obey and love and help and be good and speak truth? Do you desire that above all else? Now, you might ask, “How do I desire to live for others? That’s so hard! And you’re right. It is hard. In fact, it’s impossible in our own strength. I think it’s the Merest Christianity Series that will most help you with this question. Of course, working with a biblical counselor will help as well. And finally (for today) . . . 10. According to verse 17, what word should describe our relationships? Verse 17 says, “If then you regard me a partner, accept him as you would accept me.” My friends, we need to be accepting, but we must be careful to understand this point as God communicates it. To accept someone doesn’t mean that we ignore their sin or—ever worse—approve of it. This word has the idea of literally taking something to oneself and signifies a special interest on the part of the receiver. We should gladly embrace and fellowship with God’s people. We should accept our family members as not just our family, but also our sacred trust. These are the people God has given us to serve and disciple and help and obey and love and challenge with truth. Too often our family relationships are broken and strained and filled with rejection. Yes, we need to reject sin, but we need to accept each other unto ourselves. Who in your family have you rejected? Which of your family members would say that you reject them more than you biblically accept them? That’s the relationship on which you need to start working today. Conclusion
Now, again, I feel the need to explain how much these “List Episodes” are difficult for me. I love to grab onto a single idea and unpack it over enough time for us to really understand and apply it. But these List Episodes are designed to present a little information about a lot of topics. We can’t understand them as deeply as we ought, and therefore applying them well become difficult.
So, why do I do these List Episodes? I do them because we often see lists in the Scripture without much explanation. And God does this for many reasons, not the least of which is to motivate His children to fig deeper into the Word to make sure they truly understand what He’s requiring of them. So, I hope this episode does the same for you. I hope you’ll listen to the other episode linked in the description, and I hope you’ll study through the Bible to better understand these concepts. I also hope you’ll meet with a mature spiritual authority like a parent, pastor, discipler, or counselor to better understand how to become a useful individual. Applying these truths to your own life and changing accordingly is absolutely necessary. Just learning and understanding is never enough. So, be sure to share this series with the people in your life so they too can learn to be useful for God in their homes, and email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if we can help you better apply these truths. And then join us next week as we work through the second half of these applications as we pursue having Useful Family Relationships. I’ll see you then!
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