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TranscriptIntroduction
Welcome back to our 4-part family counseling series where we’re learning how to have useful relationships amongst the members of our family.
Last time we talked about the necessary nature of the people involved. If you didn’t catch our last episode, please stop here and listen to that session first. In that session we learned about two absolutely vital components of usefulness. If we’re not rightly related to God and submitting to His expectations for our relationships, we absolutely can never be useful to anyone else. And today we’re going to study the various resources we see in the short letter from Paul to Philemon. I hope your whole family is with you. These were designed to be part of a family devotional time where you listen to this episode together and discuss the application for your family afterward . . . whether that be immediately after or (better yet) at intervals throughout the rest of the week. There is also free LifeWork linked for you in the description of this episode. You should print out a copy for everyone in your family who can read and write so they can be following along and participating in this study. When you look at the description of this episode, you’ll also discover that we have a transcript and links to related resources. Those resources are designed to answer additional questions and keep the study going and developing and maturing as necessary. With over 600 episodes, we have all sorts of tools for you. So, with those things in place, let’s dive in. Topic
No doubt, everyone listening to me today has done some sort of job. You may not have been paid for it, but whether it was part of your employment or it was a chore like washing the car or taking out the garbage or feeding your pet or cleaning your room . . . you’ve done some sort of job.
And most of those jobs would have been impossible without the right tools. You can't perform surgery without tools. You can’t even feed a dog without tools—in the most general sense. You need various items to wash the dishes, and you need so many resources to accomplish your main employment. And the same is true for the Christian life. We can’t do it alone. We don’t have the power or knowledge or ability necessary to live the life God wants us to live. Let me put it this way . . . none of us can be useful to anyone else without a lot of help. We have nothing in ourselves to be truly and beneficially useful to anyone. That’s because of our sin nature that leaves us totally depraved but for the common grace of God in our lives. Now, you might not like the way that sounds. You may have been told your whole life that you’re special and powerful and perfect and all you need. And in one tiny degree some of that is true. You are a unique creation of God, and—to that degree—you are beautiful and special. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. But the praise ultimately goes to God since He was the one Who made you that way. You don’t really get to pat yourself on the back for any of that. Other than that, the Scriptures are clear that we are born sinners and enemies of God. The Bible says that we’re dead in our trespasses and sins and incapable of pleasing the Lord in our flesh. We’re blind and lost and like ridiculous little sheep. We cannot please God in our own strength. We cannot save ourselves. We truly are wretches in need of spiritual life and power. It’s for these reasons and more that Paul reminds Philemon of the amazing resources at his disposal to do the very difficult job of forgiving Onesimus. And—as I observed last time—Paul’s letter to Philemon exposes deep theological realities expressed in the seemingly casual words of a personal letter. What I’m saying is that Paul did not write Philemon to be a textbook. But all the doctrinal truths about God that filled Paul’s mind informed and guided all of his words to Philemon and to us. But before we look at the first resource Paul casually identifies, I want to remind you of the monumental task that it was to have a 10 year old podcast with nearly 650 episodes. It has been a true labor of worship to God and love for all the families who have ever joined us . . . even if it were for only one episode. But—moving forward—we need your help. We need the resources we’re going to discuss in this episode, but we also need financial resources to keep doing this job. Times being what they are, we are need of more donations to continue producing these free resources and to accomplish the many more dreams we have. There are still more books to be written, more courses to be created, more counseling to be done. But we can’t do that without donations from families like yours. Whether it’s $5 a month, or 10, 20, 50, or $500 a month, we need your help to continue this ministry. Please visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate to become a monthly donor today. And now let’s continue our study. If last week’s study did anything, it probably left you feeling a little overwhelmed. The nature of a Christian is a prisoner of God, a worker for God, a soldier of God, and a child of God. And there are other passages that teach us that we’re servants of God. This means that we’re not free to live our lives however we want, and that reality might have caused some of you angst. In our flesh, we’ll never be truly useful to anyone else because all we care about is ourselves. We have comforts and dreams and desires we’re chasing instead or pursing everyone’s else’s best. But even when we want to care more about God and others—those who are completely comfortable allowing God to dictate how you’re to live—you should also realize how humanly impossible it is for us to submit to God that way. We need so much help! And Paul knew that, so he mentioned many of the Christian’s resources throughout the letter. 1. According to verses 3 and 25, what’s the first resource God gives us? Verse 3 reads, “Grace to you.” Verse 25 says, “The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit.” Now, statements like this can be confusing. First, if you’ve been attending church for very long, you’ve heard the word “grace” thrown around so constantly, but only rarely is it ever defined and explained. This happens because pastors and teachers so often just assume that everyone knows what they’re talking about. And if you’re knew to Christianity, the idea of grace can easily be misunderstood or watered down due to the cultural meanings. It’s clear from this text that Paul is describing grace as a necessary benefit and resource that’s available to believers. Paul regularly extends these same statements to the many believers in each of his epistles. But what is grace? Grace is God’s unmerited favor. It’s the extension of a benefit that we do not deserve. God isn’t required to save anybody. We don’t deserve spiritual life and power. But God gives it to us anyway. Some people have explained the relationship between grace and mercy this way. Let’s say that a parent tells his or her children that if they get all “A’s” on their report card, the children will receive an ice cream cone. But if the children get any “F’s,” there will be a negative consequence. And let’s say that the report cards come back, and one of them has nothing but failing grades—all “F’s.” Well, what does the child deserve? She deserves consequences, and she absolutely doesn’t deserve ice cream. I believe an accurate—though simple—explanation of mercy and grace would go like this. The parents might choose to extend mercy by not giving the child the negative consequences she rightly deserved. And the parents could choose to show grace by giving the child the ice cream she does not deserve. Now, kids, please don’t hold your parents to this expectation. They’re not unmerciful or ungracious to follow through on their expectations and give you the consequences you deserve. I have plenty of other episodes that help parents navigate these truths. I share this illustration so that everyone listening right now understands that even though you don’t deserve access to any of God’s resources and gifts and blessings . . . He is gracious. He offers them to us anyway. Everything else on today’s resources list comes by the grace of God. But grace itself is also unmerited. We don’t deserve it, and yet God so amazingly gives it to us. Now, I could talk for days about God’s infinite grace, but we must move on. 2. According to verse 3, what else does God give us? The verse says, “Grace to you and peace from God our Father and the Lord Jesus Christ.” Peace provides stability and rest even when God is requiring us to do hard things. Peace isn’t the absence of difficulty or conflict. Peace is the soul rest God gives to those who are His children, servants, prisoners, workers, and soldiers. We don’t have to be anxious. We don’t have to be afraid. We don’t have to feel depressed or be sinfully angry. God wants us to be at peace, and we can never be at peace in and of ourselves. We need to receive this resource from God. However, though peace may rightly be considered the grace of God, please understand that most of the New Testament describes the fact that peace is conditioned on our submission to the Lord. This doesn’t mean that we somehow earn it or deserve it. This means that God has expectations for us. Like we discussed in our Biblical Family series, if we’re living in the darkness of sin and disobedience, we can’t receive the blessings of living in the light of truth and righteousness. We don’t have time to unpack it, but our Peaceful Parenting series steps through the book of Philippians to help us better understand the part we’re to play in the peace of God. 3. According to verses 4-6 and 22, what powerful resource allows us to speak to God Himself? You can, of course, feel free to pause this episode at any time if anyone in your family would like to answer the question. Verses 4-6 read, “I thank my God, always making mention of you in my prayers, 5 because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints; 6 and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the full knowledge of every good thing which is in you for the sake of Christ.” And verse 22 includes, “I hope that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.” God speaks to us through His Word, the Bible, and we speak to Him in prayer. Prayer is a powerful and deep concept in the Bible. It’s also mysterious and sometimes confusing when we don’t understand it well. The Bible tells us that God is always accessible and wants to hear us. He cares about us and desires to commune with us. Now, I want to be clear. There’s nothing that God doesn’t know. And He will never give us something that’s not good for us regardless of how much we ask. The biggest blessing of prayer is the effect it has on us. As we go to prayer seeking to speak to God in a way that pleases Him, asking for those things that are in line with His will, and pouring our hearts out to Him, we are changed for the better as we submit to Him in prayer. God wants us to talk to Him about the struggles we have in being useful. He wants to hear us confess our sins of being unuseful. He wants us to pray His Scriptures back to Him as we try to understand how to be useful. Now, again, we could spend an entire series on each of these resources. However, our point today is simply to open our eyes to them, remind ourselves about the fact that we have all the tools we need to be a useful addition to our families, and dedicate to using the resources God’s offered us. 4. According to verses 5, 7, and 9 what must we have toward the Lord and each other? Verse 5 says, “I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints.” Verse 7 says, “For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love.” And verse 9 reads, “yet for love’s sake I rather plead with you.” I Corinthians 13 teaches us that once faith and hope are no longer necessary, once they have ceased, love will continue for all eternity. Unfortunately, most church-goers have a very unbiblical understanding of what love is. They listen more to their culture, the world, and their own opinions more than they do the Bible. We have a series that steps through the four family loves. I’ll link it for you in the description of this episode. That series will walk you and your family through the biblical data concerning love to learn what it is, how the four loves are different, and how to become a more loving family. However, for our purposes here, let’s understand that biblical love allows us to do what is in another’s best interest. Instead of pursuing our own passions and desires to the detriment of the other people in our family, we can—through God’s power—want and work toward God’s best interest in their lives. Love is a truly beautiful reality in Christ, and we all need to spend more time understanding the love of God in our lives. And even though love will outlast other resources, that doesn’t mean they’re not important now. 5. According to verses 5 and 6, what should we have toward the Lord? I’m going to start reading in verse 4, “I thank my God, always making mention of you in my prayers, 5 because I hear of your love and of the faith which you have toward the Lord Jesus and toward all the saints; 6 and I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the full knowledge of every good thing which is in you for the sake of Christ.” Now, I just pointed out that love is superior to faith in that love will never cease though we will no longer need faith in eternity. However, right here and now, faith is an absolutely beneficial, vital, important, and exceedingly necessary resource in our lives. If someone asked me which Truth.Love.Family. study is the most important study that all families need to do, I would say—without hesitation—our Merest Christianity series. That series teaches us why we do what we do and how to truly, genuinely change. The world says that people never really change, but God is daily intending to change us, and He will ultimately perfect all of His children in eternity. Yes, we can and must be changing in this life. But we will never consistently change if we don’t understand the absolute preeminence of faith in our lives, what it is, what it does, and in what we need to have faith. Ephesians teaches us that this resource is a shield that protects us from the various attacks of Satan. Faith truly shields us from everything bad and destructive and hurtful in this life. Again, so much could—and needs to—be said, but the purpose of this study is to open our eyes to the glorious resources the Lord provides so that we’re excited to find out more about them and how to use them in our useful family relationships. This study should—in part—encourage you to continue to study the topics we’re introducing. These four episodes will absolutely not change anyone in your family. But if all of you listening today recognize who you’re supposed to be in Christ and get serious about understanding and using the resources He provides, you definitely will see amazing and lasting change. 6. In verse 6, what has God given Christians? Let’s read it again, “I pray that the fellowship of your faith may become effective through the full knowledge of every good thing which is in you for the sake of Christ.” There are so many beautiful truths that can be mined from small portions of the Bible. I hope this study encourages you to slow down in your own Bible reading and truly start to meditate on the Word. II Peter 1:3 tells us “that [God’s] divine power has granted to us everything pertaining to life and godliness, through the true knowledge of Him who called us by His own glory and excellence.” Knowledge is a resource most grand and absolutely necessary. Without it, we can’t even have faith because you can’t believe what you don’t know. But the knowledge of God and from God is one of the most powerful tools He gives us. He didn’t create the world, set it spinning, and walk away. He communicates with us. He’s given us the Bible that has absolutely everything we need for life and godliness. If we’re going to be a useful addition to our families, we absolutely need to better know, understand, and obey the Word of God. 7. According to verse 7, what does God provides His children? Similar to #2, this resources has its biggest effect on our mental state as we strive to please the Lord. Verse 7 says, “For I have come to have much joy and comfort in your love, because the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” Do you have comfort in your family? If you don’t, it’s because you or they or all of you aren’t being useful. But even when life is difficult and people in your family are being hurtful, God wants you to have joy. In fact, God commands us to have joy. Happiness is something that’s contingent on your circumstance and environment, but joy has nothing to do with what you experience. Joy is a choice, and—once again—you may be sitting there uncertain what joy is, or you may have a very wrong understanding of what joy is, so I hope you’re being challenged to better understand this beautiful, undeserved resource God has for you. When you utilize the joy of the Lord, it gives you strength, it makes you enjoyable to be around, and it helps you be a blessing to your family. 8. According to verses 15, 16, and 22, what is God? Verses 15 to 16 read, “For perhaps he was for this reason separated from you for a while, that you would have him back forever, 16 no longer as a slave, but more than a slave, a beloved brother, especially to me, but how much more to you, both in the flesh and in the Lord.” And verse 22 says, “And at the same time also prepare me a lodging, for I hope that through your prayers I will be graciously given to you.” Now, if you’re uncertain what’s being taught here, please know that you’re not going to find the word for the blank in these verses. These verses are illustrating a glorious reality that’s taught all throughout Scripture. Paul was trusting in God’s plan for Onesimus that even though it seemed bad for Onesimus to have left the way he did, God’s plan resulted in the best for Onesimus and Philemon. In the last verse we read, Paul had hope that he would reunited with them both in Colossae . . . if the Lord willed. These verses are illustrating for us how Paul viewed the sovereignty of God. The word “sovereign” is the word that goes in the blank. The fact that God is ultimately in control coupled with the fact that He’s loving and good is the best resource a Christian could ever have. We can trust God to know and do what’s best. It’s our faith in God’s sovereignty that gives us joy, peace, gratitude, and contentment. It’s such a powerful facet of our usefulness that I wish we could dedicate so much more time to it. But we actually have. In our parenting sorrowing and suffering children material, we deal with this point in much greater detail because it’s in our pain that we’re so tempted to stop trusting God’s control over our lives. But we must move on. 9. From verse 1 through verse 24 Paul names ten believers (not including mentioning the whole church who was in Philemon’s house) who were a help, comfort, and encouragement to Philemon. One of our resources is the body of Christ. How does verse 7 describe how saints should affect each other? Verse 7 says, “the hearts of the saints have been refreshed through you, brother.” Because Philemon had grace, peace, he prayed, he loved, he had faith, knowledge, joy, and recognized that God’s sovereign, he was a refreshing relationship in Paul’s and the church’s life. Are your family relationships refreshing? Are you a refreshing influence in the life of your family? God’s people are supposed to be refreshing to each other. God empowers the church to provide a necessary ministry to us—from leading us to Him, to reproving and rebuking us, to loving and encouraging us, to sharpening us—making fellow believers a glorious tangible blessing. Your need the influence and refreshment of a truly biblical body of Christ. Your family needs to be attending and participating with a church—but not just any church—a church that’s functioning the way God created it to function. Please check out the description of this episode for an amazing resource if you want to determine if your church is what it should be. We cannot be refreshed and be refreshing if we’re not actively participating in a healthy, discipling, equipping church. Conclusion
Now, in conclusion—so as to not go too long today—let’s remember that we have access to absolutely everything we could ever need in order to accomplish God’s will in our lives. We must never believe the lie that totally submitting to God and sacrificing ourselves to Him is “too hard.”
Yes, it can be difficult because of our sinful flesh, but it’s not impossible. We can and must be useful family members. We must embrace our identify as prisoners, and soldiers, and workers, and family, and servants. And we can only do that by utilizing and resting on the resources God provides. So, in our last few moments, I want to encourage you to take very seriously the last two questions on your LifeWork. The first is, “How about you? For which of the above tools are you most thankful?” Which of the resources we considered today excites you the most? For which one are you most glad that God has given it to you? And the second question is, “Which of the above resources have you historically neglected the most, and why?” This is a very important question. It’s time to be humble and honest with ourselves. Maybe you have to ask your other family members which one they think you’ve neglected the most. And the second part of the question is very important as well. Why have you neglected that resource? Why have you been acting like it wasn’t a tool designed to help you be a useful addition to your family? I hope you’ll give careful consideration to those questions and share the answers with your family as you continue to discuss this material with them. And I hope you’ll share this series on social media and be sure to tag us! And if you need more personalized help working through this material or some other difficulty, please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894. And then we’ll meet together next time to start putting all of this together into super practical application so that you—and everyone else in your family—can start being more useful in the family to the glory of God. I’ll see you then!
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