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Episode Notes
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TranscriptIntroduction
Good day! I’m your host AMBrewster, and I welcome you back to Season 35 and our 10th year of podcast ministry.
Today we’re talking about giving your children something to believe. This topic piggybacks off the past two episodes—the first of which discussed giving advice worth giving, and the second of which covered the fact that you need to help your kids see God working. If you didn’t listen to those episodes, I would—of course—highly encourage you to do so, but they are not required listening for today’s conversation. And—let’s be honest—I believe all 632 of our episodes are worth a listen or two because we do our best to ground the parenting truth in God’s eternally relevant Word. The thing is, you don’t need my advice about how to parent; you need God’s expectations, and that’s what we want to discuss today. As always, you’ll find links to free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources in the description of today’s show. We want to help you continue your study and make sure you deepen your understanding of the topics we cover. It might be okay to have a cursory knowledge of truth at the outset, but as we mature, we need to deepen our faith and broaden our understanding, and that will take study. Of course, study is—in part—why you’re here today, and I thank you for investing this time in your relationship with God and your parenting. So, let’s get started. Topic
There’s so much to talk about when you’re a parent. Early on we’re playfully teaching our kids to say “mama” and “dada,” and then it’s colors and numbers, and then it’s sports and homework, and then it’s crushes and driving . . . you get the idea. If we’re doing our job, we’re constantly teaching and reproving and correcting and training . . . and that’s good. I’m not putting down any of that process or those topics.
However, how much of that involves truly handing our children the necessary truths they must believe lest their lives be worthless? I know, that was a pretty dramatic question. And I think that question prompts us to assume that the main thesis of today’s show is that we need to be teaching our kids the “important stuff.” You know, we need to be talking about God, His Word, and His will . . . and that is obviously true, but today’s discussion goes deeper. Imagine that biblical parenting has four levels to it. Most parents only ever scratch the surface of the first level. A comparatively small number crosses down into the second level, but far too few of us ever get to the third or fourth. And we’re failing our kids and our Lord when we spend all our time of the first floor. We need to give our kids something to genuinely believe, and—save the grace of God—the best way to do this is to get all the way down to level 4 of the biblical parenting process. But before we take a look at the 4 levels and how to navigate through them, I would like to tell you about our big mission for this year. In September, Lord willing, we’ll be celebrating our 10th full year of podcasting. By then we should be nearing our 650th episode. And it’s probably our most pivotal year. Let me explain by providing context. When I started the podcast in 2016, I was working full time at a boy’s home. We weren’t paid much, but our housing and food was included in my salary, and though I often worked 60-70 hours a week, the podcast was part of the way I ministered to the parents who sent their boys to our program. From there it found traction with parents whose children were not at our home, and people started donating so that we could afford to pay for the podcast host, the website, and the other valuable resources we were giving away for free. Since then we’ve written a book and have an app that continues to connect families all over the world with free biblical parenting content. But, my family also no longer works and lives at that ministry. We moved from there in 2019. From 2020-2022, I didn’t take any salary because I was trying to build this non-profit from the roots up all the while the world was in lockdown. Since then, though I’ve worked full-time to make this resource the most valuable it can be, my monthly salary of $500 demanded that I had to get other work. And the more I’ve worked those other jobs, the more I’ve had to step away from this ministry. People looking for counsel had to be turned away, writing had to be stopped, speaking opportunities couldn’t be pursued, and sometimes even the podcast had to take a break. But I believe in this ministry. I believe it’s needed. Families all over the world are crumbling. I believe it glorifies God because we put Him and His Word first in all things. I believe by God’s grace we have the answers that hurting families, new families, growing families, old families, and broken families need to better worship their Creator and find healing and strength. But . . . with an overheated economy, we’ve lost a number of our donors, but our bills have only continued to rise. That’s why I and my board have decided that one of two things will have to happen this September. Either A, we can raise the necessary $100,000 annual donations we need to become a sustainable ministry in which I can devote all of my time, or . . . well, the opposite will have to happen. The ministry will slowly fade out of existence until the money is gone and we have to delete the Evermind App and stop the podcast. I hate that this is the conversation I’m having with you, but I trust God’s providence. Since I was 12 years old, I’ve wanted nothing more than to be in full-time Christian service, dedicating my every waking hour to the direct worship of God, evangelism of the lost, and building of His people. But if God wants me working secular jobs in order to provide for my family, may His will be done. But if you and our other listeners gave just 10, 20, 50, 100, or $200 a month, we could easily reach out goal of $100,000. And that’s actually not a lot when it comes to running a ministry like this. But it would allow us to continue our current ministries like the podcast and our counseling, we could get back to writing books and creating resources, and we could even open a brick-and-mortar counseling center. Not to mention, provide my family with a little more than $500 a month. I hope you’ll give. I pray you’ll partner with us in keeping this ministry alive so that we can pursue God’s glory and the equipping of families. And don’t forget that all of your gifts are tax-deductible. Please visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate to give. And thank you for your patience for that longer than usual call to action. Let’s begin our conversation today by reading Proverbs 5:1-2, “My son, pay attention to my wisdom, Incline your ear to my discernment; 2 That you may keep discretion And that your lips may guard knowledge.” This reverberates with similar calls Solomon had already made in his book of Proverbs. Proverbs 1:8 reads, “Hear, my son, your father’s discipline And do not abandon your mother’s instruction.” Proverbs 2:1-5 says, “My son, if you will receive my words And treasure my commandments within you, 2 To make your ear pay attention to wisdom, Incline your heart to discernment; 3 For if you call out for understanding, Give your voice for discernment; 4 If you seek her as silver And search for her as for hidden treasures; 5 Then you will understand the fear of Yahweh And find the knowledge of God.” Proverbs 3:1 begins with, “My son, do not forget my law, But let your heart guard my commandments.” Later in verse 11, he writes, “My son, do not reject the discipline of Yahweh Or loathe His reproof.” Chapter 4:1-2 proclaims, “Hear, O sons, the discipline of a father, And pay attention that you may know understanding, 2 For I give you sound learning; Do not forsake my instruction.” Verse 10 invites, “Hear, my son, and receive my sayings And the years of your life will be many.” And verse 20 pleads, “My son, pay attention to my words; Incline your ear to my sayings.” And similar calls are made all the way through chapter 7. And though there’s a break in the parental petitions for a time, chapters 23 and 24 reignite the call, and we hear it a couple more times before the end of the book. What’s my point? Solomon was passionate that his son hear, understand, and believe life-changing truth. He wrote a whole book, and we can only assume that if the Queen of Sheba heard of Solomon’s wise words, his own children were hearing them too. Now, was Solomon a perfect parent? No, he was not. He failed in ways I think many of you listening today have not. Were Solomon’s children all God-honoring individuals? No, they were not, but—if you’ve been with us for any period of time—you know we talk often of the fact that we must parent to please the Lord . . . even if it doesn’t result in the salvation or sanctification of our children. So, these petitions and examples are given to us as an illustration of the passion and process we’re to adopt in our parenting. So, let’s begin with . . . 1. Teach Truth. The book of Proverbs was inspired by the Holy Spirit. In a way, whether he knew it or not, Solomon had it easy. He didn’t need to worry that what he wrote wasn’t fully in line with God’s Word. But—to be fair—we have it much easier than the World. Worldlings have nothing but their own opinions to judge whether something is worthy of teaching to their kids. They’re literally making it up as they go or leaning heavily on the persuasive voices around them. But we have the very inscripturated Word of God. We can—and must—compare our parenting to the Scriptures to know if we’re teaching our kids truth. This is why Deuteronomy and Ephesians 6 command that we root our parenting in the Scriptures. This is the only way we can glorify God with our parenting and equip our kids to worship Him well. This is also why we made the Biblical Parenting Essentials series. That series steps through the Bible—with great detail—to flesh out God’s expectations for our parenting. We also have two other series—one is called Teach Your Children to Learn, and the other is called The Discipleship Spiral which identifies this point as well as the ones to follow. And I cannot even begin to enumerate all of the ways we’ve talked about the necessity of truth in our parenting over the course of these 632 episodes. But before we move on from this point, I do need to clarify something for us. I wear the socks I wear because I believe God is glorified by my wearing them. For example some of my socks have small holes in them, but I don’t want to throw them out just yet if they’re still wearable because I don’t have a lot of money, and I need to be a good steward of my finances. Now the Bible has a lot to say about how we use our money, but here’s the thing: I cannot dictate to you when you should or should not throw away your socks. You know why? The Bible doesn’t get that specific. It gives us all the truth we need to make all the specific decisions of life, but it allows liberty when multiple specific decisions all submit to the revealed Word. So, for me, I base my specific application on the fact that the Bible tells us to do all to the glory of God. The Bible tells us to be wise with our money. The Bible tells us to be discerning. The Bible tells us to be loving to others. I base my application on each of these commands and more when I consider buying new socks, but I cannot legislate the specifics to you because A. I’m not your authority figure, and B. That would make me a legalist. On a different but related topic, there are many ways to apply God’s commands concerning modesty. We don’t all have to wear the same style and color and cut of clothes. We don’t all have to shop at the same place. There is liberty in serving God. I’m saying all of this because—hopefully—you do what you do because you’ve studied the commands and principles in Scripture and have developed convictions for your applications. But don’t teach those personal applications to your kids as if they’re Gospel truth. Yes, they are likely a Christ-honoring thing for you to do, and you—as the parent—can require those specific applications of your kids, but be careful how you talk about them. Let your kids understand the process by which you came to these conclusions. Have them understand that hole-y socks aren’t inherently more holy. And that process is the sum total of our next points. So, we start by teaching Bible truth—nothing more nor less. God’s Word is what we must teach and expect. All the rest needs to be rooted in that truth, but we must also be mature enough to recognize that other people will equally glorify God as they apply His Word differently. And this is where many Christian parents do a pretty good job. I think we all—I know I do—try to convince our kids to believe things that aren’t actually God’s revealed will. We’re not perfect, and as we learn more about the Bible, we can lead them better. But too many parents don’t move to the next level in their parenting. Their kids kind of get stuck at this superficial knowledge level. Therefore, we need to . . . 2. Provide Understanding. Do you remember Proverbs 4:1, “Hear, O sons, the discipline of a father, And pay attention that you may know understanding.” Proverbs 9:6 reads, “Forsake your simplicity and live, And step into the way of understanding.” It’s not good enough for your kids to blindly obey you. Yes, that is good early on in their maturity. They’re not free to disobey simply because they don’t understand, but we should never allow our kids to stay in that state. They need to move from accepting and obeying the truth to actually being convinced of it. If knowledge is your skin and muscles, understanding is the bones. It’s the collection of other related truth on which the more superficial realities gain structure and permanence. For example, a child can do what they’re told without understanding why children are commanded to obey their parents. But it’s good for them to learn that unregenerate people are blind and incapable of glorifying God. They need to understand that we’re like sheep who are going astray. They need to comprehend the spiritual realities of why doing what’s right in our own eyes is so destructive. They will need to grapple with the truth that God is infinitely all-knowing and all-wise and therefore worthy of our trust. However, they will also have to understand that they never need to obey if they’re commanded to sin. And the list goes on. When your kids learn and understand these related truths that stand under the truth “children obey your parents,” they will become more and more convinced of the fact that they have to obey even when they don’t feel like it, and even when they believe their way is best. And it’s here that we need to invite our kids to truly believe what they’ve been taught. Normally, when I teach this material, I present it in a different way—and I’ve linked one of those resources in the description. It’s called “The Point of (nearly) Every Conversation.” But it’s not good enough to know and understand something if I don’t believe it. I know what the muslims believe. I even understand why. I know what the liberals believe, and I understand why they think that “love is love” makes sense. But I don’t believe what they believe. So, we need to lead our kids into understanding as part of the process of them being genuinely convinced that what they’ve learned from God’s Word is actually true and trustworthy. They need to decide that God’s will is best and their’s is not to be trusted, and they need to be firmly convicted that He should be obeyed. But our kids will never be able to believe what they don’t know and understand. A much smaller group of Christian parents strive to make sure their kids understand why they need to obey. Thankfully, we’re moving further and further from the “because I said so” kind of Christian parenting, but I know all too well that many parents still lead that way. But knowing and understanding something isn’t good enough, and if we actually believe something to be true, we will put it to use in our lives. But given the liberty about which we spoke earlier and our own immaturity, we all need help in our application. Therefore . . . 3. Illustrate Application. As we equip our kids with truth and the ability to understand it, we must also show them how it’s to be lived out in their lives. Now, some of this works in reverse. When we tell our kids to finish their homework or make their beds or turn off that show, that application is hopefully a result of your own biblical study and understanding. But often we’ll teach our kids the Bible and help them understand more esoteric truth that will need to be concretely applied. For example, we teach our kids that they must glorify God, and we help them understand that to glorify is to cause others to think rightly about God. So, what is it to glorify God in your eating, at school, playing soccer, with your boyfriend, or at church? What kinds of things must be done, how must they be done, and why must they be done in order for God to actually receive the glory from my doing it? Now, there’s another bad style of parenting—the do as I say and not as I do parents. We talked about some of the dangers of that two episodes ago. First, we must be illustrating biblical application by our own lives. Our kids should see us pursuing God and understanding His Word and striving to live it out. They should realize that we’re imperfect, but even in our imperfection, we try to glorify God after the fact by confessing our sin, asking for forgiveness, and repenting. So, we’re setting an example of mature application from God’s Word. But, second, we need to call them to put their faith to work. James teaches us that genuine faith has corresponding works. We can’t say we believe God wants us to obey our parents while we’re disobeying them. We might know He wants us to obey. We might understand why He says we should obey, but if I’m not obeying, it’s because in that moment I didn’t believe it was best. Therefore, we need to help our kids make right application with their beliefs. This category of parenting is far too often just assumed. If our kids are doing what we ask, we assume they understand why it’s right and will continue doing it when they’re out of our homes. But far too often kids get out from our authority and consequences and stop doing the things they had done their whole lives. This is an evidence that they didn’t really believe it was best. They believed it was best at the time—usually to avoid conflict and consequences—but they no longer think they need to because you’re not there to stop them or reprove them. We have to do our best to ground them in truth so that—like Joseph—if they were sold into slavery in a foreign land, they would still passionately serve God because they couldn’t imagine wanting to displease Him. And though this category of parenting is rare and all too infinitely important, there is still one more level of godly parenting. 4. Present Accountability. There is a kind of accountability that happens when parents keep an eye on their kids while they paint to make sure they don’t give in to the urge to paint the walls. But the accountability on this point is the one where we teach our kids to pursue their own accountability. Imagine how wonderful if would be to hear your child say, “Mom and dad, I know the temptations that young men have when it comes to the opposite sex, and I understand how giving in to those temptations will hurt God, you, the girl, and myself. I want to glorify God in my relationship with the opposite sex, and I know we’ve talked about a lot of ways to do that which I plan to put into practice. But I need your accountability. I would like you to not only ask me how I’m doing, but I’d love for you to have complete access to my phone, and I think it would be good if I don’t spend any one-on-one time with girls. Perhaps, if I wanted to get to know a girl, I could invite her here to the house?” Now, I’m not saying that this is the only way for a young man to glorify God. I’m not saying that this is the best application for all families. What I’m trying to illustrate is how amazing it would be if our kids believed God’s Word so much and recognized their own struggles that they sought out the discipleship and accountability needed to thrive as a believer. In order to rear kids who do this, we'll need to teach our kids about accountability and discipleship, lead them to understanding and belief in those truths, and we’ll have to show them how to practically apply those truths. Then, regardless of the specific truth in which they’re growing, they’ll recognize that they need mature help to flourish and will pursue Christ-honoring accountability. You know, I don’t meet many adults who passionately desire biblical discipleship. I don’t meet many young adults and children asking for it. And—as a biblical counselor—I weekly see the fallout of those choices. Conclusion
If we’re to rear our kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord, we need to do so much more than help them be good citizens. It’s not enough for them to get good grades, be polite, have a good work ethic, or even go to church every Sunday. Unbelievers do those things as well.
We need to teach them God’s truth, help them genuinely understand it, lead them into true belief that God’s way is best, teach them how to live out that faith, and present them with the discipleship accountability we all need to mature into the image of Christ. I pray this overview of godly parenting was an encouragement and challenge to you. If so, please share this episode with your friends and family and church. And if you need assistance in this area for yourself or your family, please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894. And then join us next week as we discuss “How to Know If God Is Blessing Your Parenting.” I’ll see you then.
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