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TranscriptIntroduction
Good day to you. My name is Aaron, and I’ll be your host today. If you’re new to the show, we welcome you and invite you to peruse our catalog of over 600 biblical parenting episodes for the topics and series that will best equip, challenge, and encourage you during this season of your parenting.
The best way to search our content is to visit TruthLoveParent.com. Not only can you use our search bar, but we also have all of our series in one place. Just click on Podcast and select “Episodes by Series” to view all of the topics to which it was important enough to dedicate significant time. You could also just go back to episode one and start listening from the beginning. Because we strive to root all of our teaching in the Scriptures, everything that aligns with God’s Word is both eternally relevant and evergreen. We exist to glorify God by equipping dads and moms to be the intentional, premeditated, disciple-making Ambassador Parents God called and created them to be. We want everyone—including you—to better know, understand, and believe our Creator, Savior, and King . . . and then apply that truth to your daily parenting. To that end, we have free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources all linked for you in the description of this episode so you can deepen your study of any of the topics we cover today. So, without any further ado, let’s talk about what I mean when I say that change demands death. Topic
Throughout our nearly 10 years of podcasting, I’ve observed on a number of occasions that true change requires death, but I don’t think I ever dedicated a whole episode to the discussion. But it really is worth the time. You see, we all want change. Even if we foolishly don’t want to have to change ourselves, there are definitely things in our spouses and our kids that we want them to change.
Therefore, as we’re changing and helping our families do the same, it will be very important and helpful to understand the nature of change. Now, of course, we have a bunch of episodes about change which we’re going to link for you in the description. For example, The Celebration of God’s Evidence of Spiritual Life Series sets a sweeping picture of the trajectory of our sanctification. We have a series entitled How to Become a New Parent in the New Year. That should be a timely resource for you. Then there’s the Change Starts with Me Series which unpacks the necessary reality that where we as parents are going is generally the direction our kids go, so—if we’re parenting for godly change—we need to be changing in godly ways. But we also have various individual episodes about continuing change and parenting our kids for change, and we recently did a show called "If You Want to See Change in Your Family, You Absolutely Must . . . ." And these are just the episodes and series that have the word “change” in the title. I would argue that every single one of our episodes is designed to help us and our kids achieve Christ-honoring change whether it’s about glorifying God with our chores or helping our children stop lying. The main reasons God has us on this planet are to change into His image and help others do the same. So, it’s really important that we understand what it is to change, and—specifically for today—we need to really meditate on the death that is required in order to change. But before we get any further, did you know that today is Giving Tuesday? In the States, Giving Tuesday is a day to help non-profits meet their end-of-year financial obligations. Well, Truth.Love.Parent. is a 501(c)(3) non-profit, and we could desperately use your help to meet our end of year obligations, but—as we approach our 10th anniversary in September of 2026—we’re also hoping to raise $100,000. We plan to use that money to finally achieve ministry sustainability and start various projects including books, videos, and—Lord willing—even open a brick-and-mortar counseling center. But we can’t do any of that without your help. Will you please visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate and give? It doesn’t matter how much; if everyone gave something, we could definitely hit our goal. It may be a one-time gift, or you may sign up to become a monthly donor. Anything and everything will help. Please visit TruthLoveParent.com/donate or click the link in the description. And now let’s unpack the necessity of death. 1. The Necessity of Death in Regeneration Regeneration is the glorious miracle by which the the spiritually dead are given new life in Christ. Believe it or not, the imagery of death is frequently used to describe the position in which unbelievers exist. Ephesians 2:1-5 says, “And you were dead in the trespasses and sins 2 in which you once walked, following the course of this world, following the prince of the power of the air, the spirit that is now at work in the sons of disobedience— 3 among whom we all once lived in the passions of our flesh, carrying out the desires of the body and the mind, and were by nature children of wrath, like the rest of mankind. 4 But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved us, 5 even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with Christ—by grace you have been saved.” Colossians 2:13 says “And you, who were dead in your trespasses and the uncircumcision of your flesh, God made alive together with him, having forgiven us all our trespasses.” And II Corinthians 5:17 has a similar concept, "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come." But the necessary death in our regeneration is actually not our own. Yes, we were dead, but it was Jesus’ death that was necessary to make us alive. His substitutionary death on the cross actually purchased life for all who believe in Him. Now, if you don’t understand how one person’s death could make another person alive, I would be honored to share the Gospel with you. In fact, we have a page at TruthLoveParent.com called The First Step to Being a Good Parent. On that page you can read all about how the glorious life, death, resurrection, and ascension of Jesus Christ can make you and your family alive. So, in order to be changed in the most important way we can be changed—from death to life—Jesus’ death was a prerequisite. Praise God there was nothing we had to do to be born again. It wasn’t our death that was necessary. However, if you’ve been born again, the necessary death has drastically shifted. 2. The Necessity of Death in Sanctification The very first passage that comes to mind when I consider this topic is John 12:24. In that passage Jesus was explaining to the disciples the cost of discipleship while revealing to them the price He was going to pay for following the Father’s will. Listen carefully as I read verses 23 through 26, “The hour has come for the Son of Man to be glorified. 24 Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit. 25 He who loves his life loses it, and he who hates his life in this world will keep it to life eternal. 26 If anyone serves Me, he must follow Me; and where I am, there My servant will be also; if anyone serves Me, the Father will honor him.” The two prongs of Jesus’ description here can seem contradictory without a full understanding of the biblical truth He’s communicating. On one hand He says that death is necessary in order to bear fruit, but then in the next breath He says that the person who loves his life will lose it, but he who hates his life will keep it eternally. Jesus is referring to two different types of dying. The first dying is the focus of our point today. We’ll unpack this more in a minute. The second form of loss is referring to eternal death. The person who won’t engage with the first kind of dying will experience the second kind of dying, but the person who engages with the first kind of dying doesn’t need to fear the second kind. Spiritual death leads to eternal death separated from God in the lake of fire. But spiritual life leads to life eternal with Christ. But even spiritual life requires death. Why do I say that? Consider Luke 9:23-24 and Matthew 16:24: "And He was saying to them all, ‘If anyone wishes to come after Me, let him deny himself, and take up his cross daily and follow Me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake, he is the one who will save it.’" The imagery of taking up ones cross is pregnant with meaning considering that not long after saying this, Jesus Himself would take up His own cross and be crucified on it. We read something similar in Mark 8:35, "For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for My sake and the gospel’s will save it.” But Colossians 3:5 and Romans 8:12-13 get even more specific with startling commands. Colossians 3:5 says, ”Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry.” This is what Romans 8:12-13 commands as well, “So then, brothers, we are under obligation, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— 13 for if you are living according to the flesh, you must die, but if by the Spirit you are putting to death the practices of the body, you will live.” These are not simple past tense meditations on the fact that we previously died with Christ. These are an imperative that we need to be further putting to death something in our lives. This is not in replacement of Christ’s crucifixion. This is not in addition. If I have eternal life in Christ, I should want to put to death in me anything that will offend the Savior Who died for me. That’s why Romans 8 clearly identifies killing the deeds of the flesh and the Colossians passage speaks to killing sexual immorality, passion, evil desire, and greed, which is idolatry. Here’s the key, in order to change my desires, I must kill my old desires. I will never approach my meal times with moderation if I want nothing more than to stuff myself. In Proverbs 23:1-2 we have another image of potential violence leading to death. It reads, “When you sit down to dine with a ruler, Understand well what is before you, 2 So you should put a knife to your throat If you are a man of appetite.” I will never be faithful to my wife if I perpetually want to cheat on her. That desire must be put to death. In Matthew 5:27-30 Jesus says, “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery’; 28 but I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart. 29 But if your right eye makes you stumble, tear it out and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. 30 And if your right hand makes you stumble, cut it off and throw it from you; for it is better for you to lose one of the parts of your body, than for your whole body to go into hell.” Now, I do need to warn us against an ungodly extreme. These passages are not teaching aestheticism or bodily mutilation. It’s using figurative language to illustrate the fact that our spiritual battle is being waged against our sinful flesh. We need to be doing what II Corinthians 10:3-6 says, “For though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh, 4 for the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh, but divinely powerful for the tearing down of strongholds, 5 as we tear down speculations and every lofty thing raised up against the knowledge of God, and take every thought captive to the obedience of Christ, 6 and are ready to punish all disobedience, whenever your obedience is fulfilled.” We’ve talked about this passage many times in regard to how we interact with other people in our lives, but the same truth applies to the spiritual battle we fight against our own flesh. By the way, we have a great series all about the Spiritual Warfare in Your Home. I’ll link that for you in the description. The point is, God is not actually commanding us to chop off our arms if we constantly are tempted to steal. He’s telling us we need to put to death the deeds of the flesh. We need to deny ourselves, take up our crosses, and follow Him. We need to engage in spiritual warfare with our sinful desires. When we’re tempted to commit the atrocities of the devil and hell, we should be disgusted, not enticed. We need to mature in our sanctification so that we no longer desire the sinful things we used to desire. It’s like that old song, “The things I used to do, don’t do them any more.” And then it’s in light of our regeneration and our sanctification that the following passages mean so much more. Galatians 2:20 says, "I have been crucified with Christ, and it is no longer I who live, but Christ lives in me. And the life which I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me." Later in Galatians 5:24 we read, "Now those who belong to Christ Jesus crucified the flesh with its passions and desires.” And Romans 6:6 proclaims, "Knowing this, that our old man was crucified with Him, in order that our body of sin might be done away with, so that we would no longer be slaves to sin.” We and our kids don’t have to be slaves to sin! We can learn to kill those passions because Jesus died to save us from them. Now, let’s apply this to our parenting. 3. The Necessity of Death in Parenting If death were necessary for our regeneration, and if it were necessary for our sanctification, then this needs to be a regular conversation in our parenting. A. We need to teach our kids about the death in regeneration. They need to hear the glorious Gospel that they are dead in their trespasses and sins, but that Jesus died to save them from those sins. We need to unpack these truths and help them understand the majesty of God. We have a collection of podcast resources call Evangelism Parenting if you still have unsaved kids in your home. B. We need to teach, reprove, correct, and train our kids concerning death in sanctification. If your kids are born again, you need to tie these truths into every fiber of your parenting. You need to help them understand that their life in Christ needs to bear fruit that is dead to sin. C. We need to pursue death in our sanctification. Of course, we can’t lead where we’re not going, so we obviously need to be growing in our new life in Christ and death to sin. We owe it to God and our kids to love Him more than we love our lusts. We need to pursue Him harder than we pursue our sinful satisfaction. We need to relish our eternal life in Christ so much that the thought of returning to our sin like a dog to its vomit is detestable in our eyes. This pursuit of life is always going to include studying the Word, talking to God in prayer, and assembling with a bible-preaching body of believers. This focus will equip us to do the work of the ministry which is pursuing Christlikeness and eschewing sin. Conclusion
My friends, neither we nor our kids can relish God while we’re relishing jealousy. We can’t fill our lives with anger and practically be living in the life of Christ. We can’t be lustful and gluttonous and false and lazy and be growing in the fruit of repentance.
We need to understand, and we need to help our kids understand the importance of putting to death the deeds of the flesh. We also need to practically help them do that in their lives. In order to do this, though, we will need a growing knowledge of the Scriptures, wisdom, and maturity. And this is why God gave us to our kids. May we be dads and moms who are still changing and growing and maturing so we can better help our kids do the same. Please share this episode with your friends so that their families can also learn the necessity of death in change. We’ll never move closer to Christ if we’re not moving further away from all the things for which He died. And feel free to email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if you need practical biblical counseling to help your family grow, mature, and change into the image of our Savior. And be sure to join us next time as we talk about all the best ways to equip our kids to shame us. Yeah, I know that none of us want to do that, but you’ll be surprised how many things you and I may do on a weekly or daily basis that actually helps them shame us.
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