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TranscriptIntroduction
Can you believe it? This is episode 597. It’s truly a miracle that this podcast has been going this long. I’m so excited about reaching our 600th episode, 33rd Season, and 9th year, and I’m honored that you’re on this journey with us . . . or—better yet—that Truth.Love.Parent. has been invited to walk alongside you in your parenting journey.
When I started this podcast, my kids were 5 and 8, and I had a mission that even if no one else ever listened to this podcast, the biblical parenting content would be there for my kids when and if the Lord blessed them with families. But praise the Lord that so many more people than just my kids have heard and been impacted by this show. This podcast has introduced me to so many families and churches I would have never been able to serve otherwise. So, thank you again for being part of the Truth.Love.Parent. family, and I pray that we get to continue serving you and your family for many more years. On today’s show we’re going to investigate how much of our parenting can fall into the category of “rope pushing” and then talk about what the Bible has to say that will help us stop pushing those ropes and start parenting in ways that benefits us and our kids. As always, we have free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources linked for you in the description of this episode so that you can take your learning to the next level. So, let’s get started. Topic
There have been many silly parenting similes over the years. People have compared it to herding cats, trying to put toothpaste back in the tube, nailing jello to a wall, playing chess with a pigeon, and even folding a fitted bedsheet—because we all know that last one is impossible.
And though they’re humorous, they all make sense to us because inevitably there ends up being something about parenting that feels very much like those colorful descriptions. Well, today’s figure of speech has to do with pushing ropes and the very realistic observation that it’s very hard to push a rope. Just imagine it. You pick up one side of a rope and try to push the rope across the room. We all know that wouldn’t work. We’d end up just wrapping our hands around as much of the rope as possible and sliding across the floor, or we’d simply end up dragging it . . . but pushing a rope by one end simply doesn’t work. Now, why is figurative language so helpful? As a biblical counselor, I’ve tried hard to lean into the communication style of the biblical authors, specifically Jesus. His parables often used hyperbole in order to make a point because it’s generally pretty easy for us to understand truth when it’s presented to us in a dramatic way. Even the Pharisees couldn’t pretend that the Good Samaritan wasn’t the true friend to the man who had been robbed. Even though a priest, a scribe, and a Pharisee were all presented as not being a friend, there was simply no argument they could make. The Good Samaritan was the person in the story we should all be like. And the imagery of pushing a rope is hyperbolic in a similar way. The rope isn’t helping. There’s nothing about the nature of an average rope that’s conducive to pushing it. It wasn’t made to be pushed. In fact, it was made to do the exact opposite. However, people can be pushed—in good ways as well as bad ways. They can be pushed physically, they can be pushed mentally and emotionally and spiritually. So, what is it about parenting children that makes the rope-pushing imagery so poignant? Well, we like to think it has everything to do with our children’s inability or refusal to be pushed, but I’m here to suggest that there’s a far more important biblical truth that we need to acknowledge. But before we do that, I want to invite you to purchase a copy of my book, “Quit: How to Stop Family Strife for Good.” Right now, you can get it for only $10 on Amazon. You can search for “Quit Strife” and my name, “Aaron Brewster,” or you can find the link in the Evermind App. If you don’t have a free account and aren’t taking advantage of the free contents on the Evermind App, you should definitely do that as well. There are links in the description of today’s episode for creating your free account and purchasing a copy of “Quit: How to Stop Family Strife for Good.” And sometimes working through family strife can feel like pushing a rope. So, let’s consider what the Bible has to say about this parenting phenomenon. Before we do so, though, it’s important to remind ourselves that even the best metaphors have their limits. So, let’s start first by understanding the limitations of this word picture. 1. Pushing There are good kinds of pushing. This imagery is in no way to try to convince us that we shouldn’t push our kids on a swing or push them to excel in their academics or push them to know God better. That terminology is not inappropriate and has it’s value. However, the pushing being symbolized in this statement is inappropriate pushing, but not just any inappropriate pushing. The very nature of the simile draws everyone to the conclusion that ropes were made to be pulled, not pushed. Therefore, it’s pushing when we should be pulling that is the wrong kind of pushing. 2. Pulling This imagery is nearly always used in discussions on leadership. The “pulling” we’re all supposed to recognize as the better course of action is a leadership style that succeeds where the bad leadership style (symbolized by pushing) failed. Now, the imagery has no inherent value beyond pointing out that some kinds of leadership don’t work and other ones do. That’s it. No other clarity is provided from the figurative language alone. But there’s another important piece of the picture. 3. The Rope As we already observed, ropes weren’t made to be pushed. From a secular perspective, a person using this imagery at a leadership seminar or parenting workshop may try to argue that ropes can’t be pushed, or that it’s inherently bad or destructive to push them, and that—furthermore—whatever the pushing was designed to illustrate simply won’t work with ropes. But I think the more biblically based understanding we need to acknowledge is that—sure—ropes can be pushed. But they were created to be pulled. There’s far more success that comes from pulling. So, I think you know that this imagery is nowhere used in the Scripture. Of all the biblical word pictures, metaphors, and similes that have made their way into our common parlance, rope pushing is not one of them. But the Bible does have a lot of teaching and illustrations about good and bad leadership—I’ll say “parenting”—styles. Therefore, let’s work through that list again. 1. Pushing & Pulling One of the fundamental realities about pushing something is that you’re behind it. You’re pushing the lawnmower or the shopping cart ahead of yourself—which means that the item being pushed is arriving at your destination before you do. It’s further down the road than you are—if even by a little bit. But that so often doesn’t work when you’re an authority figure. If the individual is further down the road than their coach, teacher, instructor, pastor, or parent, there are bound to be issues. One of the unfortunate realities that frequently come up in marriage counseling is when the wife is more spiritually mature than her husband. Now, there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but if the less spiritually mature husband is trying to be a spiritual leader in his home, there is much of his leadership that can be a burden on his wife. I’m always encouraging men to chase after spiritual maturity because they owe it to their Savior, but it’s also a benefit to their families. You can’t lead a person where you’re not already going, and you really can’t lead from the back. I think King Saul is a good example of this. He was spiritually immature, and so many of his attempts to lead his people in the obedience of Yahweh ended in disaster because he was too immature to truly understand how he should have been leading them in the first place. We push our kids to do their best in school, but we don’t truly strive to do our best at work. In fact, we get frustrated when people try to push us to do our best with the same intensity we push our kids. We push our kids to spend more time doing devotions, but we’re hit or miss at best. We push our kids to surround themselves with beneficial influencers and yet excuse all of the secular influences we invite into our own lives via our entertainment. And—of course—we justify this approach because they’re kids and we’re adults. Somehow, that’s supposed to mean we don’t have to work as hard, be as patient or as diligent, we don’t have to work as hard on our relationship with God, and it’s okay for us to ingest things inappropriate for children. We’re pushing our kids to be who we aren’t. We too often push our kids to be what we want to be, but who we’re not trying very hard to be. We’re pushing them to go where we have no intention of going. But in I Timothy 4:12, Paul admonished Timothy to “Show yourself as a model to those who believe in word, conduct, love, faith, and purity.” In I Peter 5:2–3, Peter exhorts leaders to be examples to the flock, not lording it over them. In I Corinthians 11:1 Paul proclaims, “Be imitators of me, just as I also am of Christ.” And in John 13:15 Jesus said, “For I gave you an example that you also should do as I did to you.” We parents are to trudge ahead of our kids. As we use God’s word as a lamp to our feet, we’re pursuing spiritual maturity and leading our kids in it. Do you want your kids to work hard? Get to working hard. Do your best. Do you want your kids to passionately love Christ? Passionately love Him yourself. Of course, by now, after nearly 600 episodes, anyone who’s listened to enough of these episodes realizes that motivation matters. We should obviously not be pulling because of the benefit it will be to us or our kids. We need to love God, grow in Him, do our best, and parent our kids accordingly because God deserves it and we want to please Him. And if that’s how we’re living our lives, our kids will see that, and—by God’s grace—follow our example. Because . . . 2. The Rope Human beings are hypocrisy-detectors because we’re all inherently hypocritical. It takes one to know one, so because we’re so incredibly hypocritical, it’s super easy to notice it in others. When other people are pushing us to be what they themselves aren’t interested enough in being, it chafes our flesh. That—of course—isn’t an excuse. If the person is pushing me toward truth, I don’t get to ignore their teaching because they’re being a hypocrite. However, I’m sure you see how—as a parent—we’re tempting our immature kids to reject our pushing because of our own sinful nature. This is why families work best when everyone is pursuing Christlikeness. And—believe it or not—that is the theme and goal of my book, “Quit: How to Stop Family Strife for Good.” We can only have a strifeless family as we’re conformed into the image of Jesus. And I should also note that God created us to be worshippers. That means—inherently—we’re either going to choose to follow our own path or follow God. We’re followers by nature. Even when we’re following our own desires, we’re running after them like a blind guide, having no real idea of the destruction in front of us. Your kids were created—by the grace of God in the power of the Holy Spirit—to follow you as you follow Christ. Therefore, it’s simply wiser to parent in light of that by pursuing Christ and inviting them to follow you. Hebrews 13:7 commends followers: “Remember your leaders, who spoke the word of God to you; and considering the result of their conduct, imitate their faith.” Philippians 4:9 says, “The things you have learned and received and heard and seen in me, practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you.” And Deuteronomy 6:6 makes it abundantly clear that if we’re ever going to diligently teach God’s Word to our kids and speak of it as we sit in our house and walk by the way and lie down and rise up, we must first, “These words, which I am commanding you today, shall be on your heart.” It must take root and blossom first in your own heart before you can be a parent who leads your kids into Christlikeness. Conclusion
Stop pushing your ropes. Pull them. Guide them in the direction you’re already going . . . as long as that direction is in lockstep behind Jesus.
Please share this episode with your friends to provide them some biblical encouragement and challenge for their parenting. And please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if you need some biblical guidance about how to really be that kind of parent. If you’re spiritually immature and want to be sharped in your walk with God, I would be honored to walk that road with you. And join us next time as we discuss “Your Child and Self-Esteem.” I’ll see you then.
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