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Episode Notes
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TranscriptIntroduction
Welcome to the show. This is our 9th year of podcasting, our 32nd season, and our 588th episode.
I’m so glad you joined us for this super practical conversation about whether or not it pleases the Lord to give your child an allowance. If God has provided in His Word everything we need for life and godliness, then there are commands and principles from the Scriptures that need to be brought to bear on this conversation. It’s not good enough that society does or doesn’t do it. It’s not truly important that our friends or family members have opinions if they aren’t rooted in Scripture. And it doesn’t really matter what our children and their friends want if they’re selfishly motivated. What matters is our responsibility to glorify God in our practical worship, and every parenting decision we make is part of that responsibility. That means this decision is too. Of course, we will have free episode notes, a transcript, and related resources linked in the description of today’s episode that will help you build on the concepts we’ll discuss today. For example, too many of us parents aren’t intentional and premeditated in our parenting. We make off the cuff decisions based off of our prior experiences, how we feel that day, or whatever everyone else is doing. That’s why we have a free online course on the Evermind App called 25 Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent. This course takes you through a number of biblical truths and provides accountability and guidance to help you be more thoughtful in why you parent the way you do. As with all the other resources I mention today, you will find the links in the description of today’s episode on your podcast app and on our blog, Taking Back the Family. So, now let’s jump in to today’s topic to see what the Bible has to say on this topic. Topic
Admittedly, the Bible doesn’t directly address the question at hand, but the Bible doesn’t directly address whether or not you should foster or adopt. But that doesn’t mean we don’t need to wisely apply God’s truth to the decision making process.
So, what I’m going to do is share some commands and principles that could be used to justify or reject the practice. Then I’ll bring it all to a close by sharing some final thoughts. But—before we get any further—I would like to invite you to visit EvermindMinistries.com to learn more about this family of ministries which includes Truth.Love.Family. and this podcast. There you’ll learn more about Faithtree Biblical Counseling, The Year Long Celebration of God, and AMBrewster Ministries. You should definitely also make an account on the free Evermind App. There you can learn about us, but you can also gain access to our free resources like the 25 Days to Becoming a Premeditated Parent online course and our paid resources like The Biblical Parenting Essential Conference, the Suffering Well online course, the Family United in God devotional, and the Doctrine of Emotion resource package. Please take some time to learn more about me and this ministry, consume the evergreen, God-focused content, and consider how you could partner with us in prayer and through monthly donations to help us grow and reach more people. Okay, so what about that allowance? 1. Arguments for Giving a Child an Allowance A. Teaching Faithful Stewardship Luke 16:10 tells us that “He who is faithful in a very little thing is faithful also in much, and he who is unrighteous in a very little thing is unrighteous also in much.” An argument could really be made that in order to help your kids glorify God with their money when they’re older, they really need to learn how to glorify Him with their money when they’re younger. Therefore, an allowance could provide children with a small amount of money to manage, wherein we teach them to be faithful stewards. By learning to budget, save, and give, they develop responsibility for handling larger resources later in life. B. Encouraging Work Ethic II Thessalonians 3:10 reads,“If anyone is not willing to work, neither let him eat.” Some people give an allowance just because their child exists in the home. Others tie it to the completion of chores—thereby reinforcing the value of work. The children learn that money is earned through effort, which aligns with the biblical principle of diligence and a good work ethic. By the way, we have a couple episode about children and chores as well as a series at The Celebration of God about what it takes to worship God at work. Of course, if your kids have money, you can also do a little . . . C. Training in Generosity II Corinthians 9:7 tells us “Each one must do just as he has purposed in his heart, not grudgingly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver.” An allowance can provide children the opportunity to practice giving to others or the church, fostering a heart of generosity and teaching them to prioritize sharing resources. The argument can be made that they need the money in order to be able to give it; allowing your child put your offering into the plate doesn’t cut it. And finally . . . D. Reflecting God’s Provision Matthew 7:11 reveals that “If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give what is good to those who ask Him!” An allowance can provide you—the parent—an opportunity to mirror God’s gracious provision, teaching children to trust in consistent care while learning to manage gifts responsibly. We have a series called The Rock, The Bread, & The Donut. In my opinion, this series is an overlooked gem. It addresses the reasons we give our kids things and provides a biblical framework for determining if the thing we want to give them will be beneficial or not. We also identify clear biblical examples of things we must give our kids (bread), things we should never give our kids (rocks), and things that might be a good idea to give our kids (donuts). So, there are 4 general principles one might use to justify giving their children an allowance. So, now, let’s turn our attention to some biblical reasons we may not embrace the practice. 2. Arguments against Giving a Child an Allowance A. Risk of Entitlement Proverbs 22:15 tells us that “Folly is bound up in the heart of a child; The rod of discipline will remove it far from him.” Foolishness is knit into the very core of our kids. This means that they will nearly always conclude the wrong things, and if they manage to conclude the right things, they will likely conclude them the wrong way. And if by God’s common grace they conclude the right things in the right ways, they far too often are concluding them for the wrong reasons. Why? Because they’re foolish, and we need to train them out of it. By the way, our Parenting a Zombie Series drills down into the nature of foolishness, the consequences of it, and how to parent our kids out of it. But because they’re foolish, if we’re not careful in what we teach them about allowances, giving an allowance without requiring effort may foster a sense of entitlement, encourage laziness or a lack of discipline, which clearly contradicts the Bible’s teachings concerning character development. B. Undermining Intrinsic Motivation Colossians 3:23 commands, “Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men.” We discuss this principe in more detail in our Celebrating God at Work Series. That may be a really good series for your school and career-aged children to listen to. Paying our kids to do chores may teach them to work only for reward, rather than developing a heart that serves out of duty or love, which is central to biblical work ethics. Yes, it’s true that we all work jobs—in part—to receive compensation, but that should never be the main focus for Christians. We need to work to please God; the paycheck is a necessary bonus that allows us to serve our families. Of course, we must also consider . . . C. Potential for Materialism I Timothy 6:10 is a familiar passage. “For the love of money is a root of all sorts of evils, and some by aspiring to it have wandered away from the faith and pierced themselves with many griefs.” Without careful teaching, reproof, correction, and training, regular allowances may focus children on accumulating money or possessions, potentially fostering greed or materialism, which Scripture clearly warns against. And . . . D. Family Unity Over Individual Gain Philippians 2:4 commands “not merely looking out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.” In our episodes concerning chores we deal with the biblical mandate to love God and serve others. One of the best ways to serve the family is in our normal housework. I do not expect any remuneration when I do the dishes or take out the recycling. My daughter doesn’t mow the lawn because she’s going to get paid. Our family members understand the importance of working together to keep the house running, rightly steward our resources, and love each other. Instead of paying children for contributions to the household, parents can emphasize working for the family’s collective good, thereby aligning with the Lord’s call to selflessness and service. But I believe there are important observations to make from both of these categories that can help us further hone our conclusions. 3. Final Thoughts A. Know the Motivation I don’t believe it’s wise for our kids to expect that one of the privileges of being our children is that they get money they can spend however they want. We the parents care for our kids. We buy them everything they need and—those of us who are financially blessed—can afford to buy them many things they want. What is the purpose of our kids having loose change—or even worse, a credit card—to use however they see fit. Too often the accountability they need to think through purchases, make wise decisions, and not be wasteful isn’t there. I have worked with so many kids who absolutely had no conception of how to glorify God in their spending or—really—even the barest of common sense of money management because their parents handed them their weekly allowance with no expectations for how it was to be used. We have to be convinced that our motivation for giving our kids this money is glorifying to God, and then we have to teach our kids how to have the right motivation for how they steward that money. B. Pay for Projects You and your spouse have to draw the lines for this point; I can’t do it for you. For the Brewsters, there are household chores that just need to be done, and we assign them to be appropriate for the individual and well-balanced among the family members. But then there are those one-off jobs and larger projects that could be legitimately considered beyond the scope of what I would normally expect my child to do for free. Now, I want to be clear, I don’t believe anyone can necessarily define this for anyone else. I have heard people say “If it needs to get done, the family should do it.” I’ve heard others argue, “Well, if I would pay someone else to mow my lawn, shouldn’t I pay my child to do it?” I get it. It’s subjective. But my main point is this, I believe it’s far better to reimburse our children for working and working well than just throwing money at them because they were born. However, I still believe we need to balance this with the reality that the family should be taking care of the home as a unit for God and each other. That’s why you need to intentionally and premeditatedly know why you’re doing what you’re doing. Don’t be arbitrary, follow your heart, or lazily do what everyone else is doing. By the way, I’ll also mention that each kid is different. This may sound strange, and I wish I had the time to unpack it here, but sometimes—when you’re being very careful to parent faithfully and intelligently—you realize it would be a good idea to compensate one child for doing a particular task when it would be a very bad idea to compensate another child for the exact same task. And that goes back to our first point about knowing the motivation. But here is what I would say is the most important takeaway. Regardless of what you choose to do . . . C. Teach, Teach, Teach Do not make a parenting choice without teaching your child why it glorifies God. Do not toss your child into a situation and completely trust they will come to the most Christ-honoring conclusions all by themselves. You are there to raise your kids in the nurture and admonition of the Lord. They need you to use the Scriptures to teach, reprove, correct, and train them. Our Biblical Parenting Essentials Conference and podcast series and our Parent’s 5 Jobs Series were all created to help you have a clear understanding of what God created you to do and how He created you to do it. If you are going to give your child an allowance, you need to help them correctly interpret the what, how, and why. If you’re not going to give your child an allowance, you need to help them understand how this is the most Christ-honoring decision for your family. You are responsible for helping your kids know, understand, and respond correctly to God—and that includes how they are to respond to everything they encounter in life . . . whether that be an allowance, payment for jobs, or simply trusting that you will provide everything they need. Conclusion
If we truly understand our purpose to worship God in all things, then we will seek to motivate all of our parenting decisions for His greatest glory and our kids’ greatest good. That means we’ll seek answers from the Bible, and that means we’ll help our children to best understand and live in the light of His will for us.
Please share this episode with your friends, family, and church. And please reach out to us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if we can help you navigate this situation in a more biblical way as you onboard your family. And then subscribe to this show and join us next time as we seek the biblical answers for “Why Didn’t Your Child Do What You Asked?” You might think you know why, but you might not really understand. So, I’ll see you then!
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