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Episode Notes
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TranscriptIntroduction
Welcome back.
If you are new to the show, I thank you for joining us, but I would strongly encourage you to work through the series from beginning to end. Either way, though, we’re happy to have new listeners, those who dip in from time to time, and those who have been with us since the beginning. Helping you worship God in your parenting is my supreme joy and pleasure. To that end, this episode has free notes, a transcript, and links to related resources, and you can access all of that from the description. These extra aids are designed to help you deepen and apply this information. We’re going to spend 20 to 30 minutes together, and you may be washing dishes or folding laundry or out on a walk, so there’s only so much that can be absorbed in one sitting. But going back to peruse the notes or read the transcript, and definitely listening to the related resources, can help cement the information and make it practical. Now, today’s topic is a really important one because it happens all of the time, and it’s a genuinely scary situation into which our kids might fall. In reality, many may already be there. So, let’s consider the callousing response to sin. Topic
Merriam-Webster define callous in two ways. Both of them are helpful for our understanding today. The first definition is “being hardened and thickened.” The second definition has two parts. The first is “feeling no emotion,” and the second is “feeling or showing no sympathy for others,” and it uses the synonym “hard-hearted.”
The Oxford Dictionary does one better when it defines the adjective “callous” as, “showing or having an insensitive and cruel disregard for others.” A similar Greek word is found one time in the New Testament, and—in a very similar way—refers to something having no feeling. We’re going to look at this word in a moment, and we’re going to consider a number of other passages that use different words to describe this response to sin. But first, I’d like to remind you of two really important things. The first is that MyPillow supports this show by sharing a portion of its profits with us. Any time someone purchases anything from MyPillow.com and they use the promo code EVERMIND, we receive a percentage of the purchase. So, check out MyPillow.com and use the promo code EVERMIND at checkout to get amazing products for yourself and benefit TLP. And, lastly, if you’re looking for someone to speak at your upcoming conference, host a workshop, preach at your camp, and/or counsel at your retreat, I would love to have the opportunity to minister to your people. You can visit AMBrewster.com or check out the AMBrewster tab in the Evermind App to connect with me. Alright, let’s dive into today’s teaching by starting with the Greek word translated callous in the New Testament. Let’s read Ephesians 4:17-19, “Therefore this I say, and testify in the Lord, that you walk no longer just as the Gentiles also walk, in the futility of their mind, 18 being darkened in their mind, alienated from the life of God because of the ignorance that is in them, because of the hardness of their heart. And they, having become callous, have given themselves over to sensuality for the practice of every kind of impurity with greediness.” 1. Our children can become callous to their sin because of spiritual darkness. On our last episode we talked about the conviction response to sin. By the grace of God, the Holy Spirit, we, and those who love our kids can help them experience conviction that is designed to lead to repentance. But we’re going to learn today that it appears as if some people stop experiencing that conviction. Instead, they become callous to their sin. That is the case in Ephesians, and that is the case in some of your homes. Callousness is the response, but in order to help our kids, we need to understand why and how they become callous. According to this passage, it becomes clear to us why our kids might have become callous or will become callous. The first indicator is this reference to being a Gentile. This is not simply referring to a non-Jew, this is figurative language to describe an unbeliever. The passage goes on to recount how an unbeliever is futile in their thinking, darkened in their minds, alienated from the life of God because of their ignorance and hard hearts. It is these people of which Paul writes that they have become callous and gives themselves over to sensuality and every kind of impurity with greediness. We have a series entitled The Four Children. I highly recommend you at least listen to the episode about Hard-Hearted Children. That episode will not only expand greatly on our discussion today, but it will provide a ton more practical ways to parent these kinds of kids—these children who are becoming callous or have already been calloused to their sin. In summary, though, it’s clear that callousness comes from a lack of spiritual life and understanding. Therefore, in order to help our kids not respond to sin with callousness, we need to . . . A. Consistently share the Gospel with our kids. We have a number of resources on Evangelism Parenting into which you can dive deeper, but the real key to this is that we’re not merely sharing the Gospel the way it might be presented in a tract. Those are good, we should share that with our kids, but we also need to constantly and consistently tie the Gospel to their everyday life experiences. Whether it’s walking through God’s creation, learning to work, enjoying entertainment, or being reproved of sin, the Gospel touches all of it. In the Scriptures, Jesus never shared the Gospel the same way twice. He revealed the same truth about Himself, but He did it to meet the need of the listener. Your callousing kids need to see how the Gospel touches every area of their lives and how embracing it is their greatest need. B. Consistently teach the Scriptures. Anyone who has worked through our Biblical Parenting Essentials content knows that Hard-Hearted kids rarely move into the Correction Phase of parenting. That’s why we need to consistently be in the Teaching Stage, unpacking the glorious truths of Scripture. If it really is a question of a lack of understanding, we can’t afford to teach an idea once and assume they comprehend it. We need to continue talking about the sin, the consequences of the sin, and how to overcome the temptation until our kids really start to understand and submit to it through the power of the Holy Spirit. By the way, before we move on from this Ephesians passage, I’d like to remind you about our Family United in God devotional. This course is designed for you and your whole family to work through the book of Ephesians to learn how you can truly be united together in God. You’ll find a link to this course in the description of today’s episode. Now, I mentioned earlier that Ephesians 4 is the only place the English word callous shows up in the Bible, and it’s also the only time the underlying Greek word shows up. We call this a hapax legomenon, and it’s an interesting situation to encounter when studying the Bible. Most of the time the Greek in question is used all through the New Testament, and—by doing a word study—we can better understand the idea God is communicating. But when you encounter a hapax legomenon (which means “said once”) you can’t read other biblical passages that add clarity to the idea. But never fear, though the word is not repeated, this concept is not foreign to the Scriptures. So, let’s consider . . . 2. Our children can become callous to their sin because they believe lies. On one hand, callousness comes from a lack of understanding and unbelief. On the other hand, callousness can be the result of embracing lies. I Timothy 4:1-2 tells us, “But the Spirit explicitly says that in later times some will fall away from the faith, paying attention to deceitful spirits and doctrines of demons, 2 by the hypocrisy of liars, who have been seared in their own conscience.” Who’s been seared in their own conscience? It was the liars who taught the deceitful doctrines. Now, once again, the word “seared” is a hapax legomenon, but the meaning is pretty clear. The Greek word carries the idea of being branded by a burning iron. That would definitely produce callousness. But the word translated “conscience” does appear 30 times in the Bible. Unfortunately, we don’t have time here to unpack the doctrine of the conscience. It’s a big truth I will attempt to simplify. Lord willing, I won’t simplify it too much. The conscience is a gift of God’s common grace that functions very much the way we would imagine. It warns us if something we’re doing might be bad, or it confirms that what we’re doing is good. But the conscience is not the Holy Spirit. It’s not inerrant. We see in the Bible that a person’s conscience can discourage them from doing things that are perfectly appropriate, and we just read that it can be seared. Titus 1:15 tells us, “To the pure, all things are pure, but to those who are defiled and unbelieving, nothing is pure, but both their mind and their conscience are defiled.” So, what is our practical parenting takeaway for this one? A. Consistently share the Gospel with our kids. I believe it’s clear that a seared conscience can only happen to an unbeliever. I think a Christian can have a conscience that needs to be retrained. I believe our conscience isn’t inerrant as a Christian, but if a person is a liar who teaches the deceitful doctrines of demons, I think it’s safe to say they’re not born again. But whereas our last point focused on teaching the truths of Scripture, children who are calloused because they are believing lies require that we . . . B. Consistently reprove using the Scriptures. Once again, the Biblical Parenting Essentials and the Parent’s 5 Jobs Series are amazing resources for understanding the concept of reproof. Whereas teaching focuses on what is right and good, reproof focuses on contradicting the lies by showing what is bad. Our kids need them both, and—if they’re unsaved—we’re going to need to cycle through teaching and reproof all of the time until they submit to God and are able to cross into the Correction Phase—which you can learn more about in the resources I just cited. If your children are rejecting truth because they’re believing lies, it’s going to be important that you understand what lies they’re believing. This is going to take careful time spent together, insightful questions, transparent communication, and careful investigation on your part. We have so many episodes that talk about communication, and our Merest Christianity Series exposes that all sin is a result of believing a lie and teaches parents how to identify the lies being believed. When we encounter this wrong thinking and believing, we also need to know the Scriptures well enough to bring the truth of God to bear on the lies. But beware . . . 3. Callous children don’t like to be taught and reproved. Proverbs 14:9 says, “Ignorant fools scoff at guilt.” The Bible has so much to say about scoffers, and none of it is good. We have a series entitled Parenting a Zombie that teaches parents how to help their Hard-Hearted, calloused scoffers be cured. The key for us today is to understand that if our kids are pushing back on their guilt and shame and conviction, that is a revelation that they are being calloused. John 3:20 tells us, “For everyone who does evil hates the Light, and does not come to the Light lest his deeds be exposed.” Assuming that a child who is responding in callousness is unsaved, then it’s easy to understand why they don’t accept the truth, run to lies, and hate being confronted about their beliefs. And I mention this because often times our kids make a profession of faith, but when their lives are characterized by hard-heartedness, callousness, and fighting against conviction, those are all fantastic indicators that their profession may not have been legitimate. Christians aren’t perfect, we can definitely sin and fall into seasons of it, but Jesus makes it clear that Christians will always come around. The conviction of the Holy Spirit is efficacious, and when a professing believer repeatedly refuses to submit to truth and repent, Jesus says to treat him or her like an unbeliever. I don’t believe genuine Christians can repeatedly and consistently reject the conviction response. If someone has been seared, it’s most likely due to the fact that they were never truly born again. Now, if I’m wrong, so be it. But I would much rather confront someone who is a genuine Christian but who is acting like an unbeliever, than foolishly interact with an unbeliever as if they have security in Christ. Now, I’d like to end today by reading the excerpt I read a couple episodes ago. It comes from one of John MacArthur’s messages entitled What is Sin? “Our culture has really declared war not only on sin, because they don’t want anything defined as sin. Everything is just a lifestyle choice; nothing is a sin. So, our culture has declared war on sin and consequently declared war on guilt. The very idea of guilt is considered medieval, obsolete, and certainly unhealthful. There was a mega-bestseller 20 years ago by Wayne Dyer, Dr. Wayne Dyer; it was called ‘Your Erroneous Zones.’ And he said the most useless of all erroneous zones is guilt. He said, ‘Guilt,’ quote, ‘must be exterminated, spray-cleaned and sterilized forever.’ We have to get rid of guilt. And he says here’s how you do it. Quote, ‘Do something which you know is bound to result in feelings of guilt. Take a week to be alone. If you’ve always wanted to do something, despite the guilt engendering protestations from other members of your family, these kinds of behavior will help you tackle that omnipresent guilt.’ In other words, if you feel guilty about certain things, do them and just keep doing them till you don’t feel guilty anymore. He says, ‘Defy your guilt, spurn your husband, spurn your children, attack that sense of self-disapproval head on. Do something that is sure to make you feel guilty and just keep doing it till you don’t feel guilty anymore. Refuse to hear the cries of conscience, the duties of family responsibility, the appeals of your loved ones. You owe it to yourself. Sear your conscience.’” That is the desire of those who do not know God, and it is the unavoidable end of everyone who continues to reject God. Your unbelieving child will—by the grace of God—experience the conviction response to their sin, but if they repeatedly reject that conviction and don’t submit to God, they will eventually be hardened in their sin and devolve into all sorts of new and worse sins. Please listen carefully as I read Romans 1:18-31, “For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men who suppress the truth in unrighteousness, 19 because that which is known about God is evident within them; for God made it evident to them. 20 For since the creation of the world His invisible attributes, both His eternal power and divine nature, have been clearly seen, being understood through what has been made, so that they are without excuse. 21 For even though they knew God, they did not glorify Him as God or give thanks, but they became futile in their thoughts, and their foolish heart was darkened. 22 Professing to be wise, they became fools, 23 and exchanged the glory of the incorruptible God for an image in the likeness of corruptible man and of birds and four-footed animals and crawling creatures. 24 Therefore God gave them over in the lusts of their hearts to impurity, so that their bodies would be dishonored among them. 25 For they exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served the creature rather than the Creator, who is blessed forever. Amen. 26 For this reason God gave them over to dishonorable passions; for their females exchanged the natural function for that which is unnatural, 27 and in the same way also the males abandoned the natural function of the female and burned in their desire toward one another, males with males committing indecent acts and receiving in their own persons the due penalty of their error. 28 And just as they did not see fit to acknowledge God, God gave them over to an unfit mind, to do those things which are not proper, 29 having been filled with all unrighteousness, wickedness, greed, evil; full of envy, murder, strife, deceit, malice; they are gossips, 30 slanderers, haters of God, violent, arrogant, boastful, inventors of evil, disobedient to parents, 31 without understanding, untrustworthy, unloving, unmerciful; 32 and although they know the righteous requirement of God, that those who practice such things are worthy of death, they not only do the same, but also give hearty approval to those who practice them.” Listen, as someone who has parented two children to adulthood, who has been a biblical counselor for nearly 20 years, who has had 50 young people live in my home—many of whom were unsaved, at-risk teens—I can tell you that I see the sins of our young children very differently than the parents of those young children. I see the trajectory of those sins over years. More often than not, the “little sins” we ignore or overlook in our kids are the ones laying a foundation for their future rebellion. The behavior we excuse because of their age is the very fruit of callousness and a seared conscience. We need to take these things seriously. We mustn’t believe the lie of the world and our own lazy hearts. We have to share the Gospel with our kids—fervently and consistently. We need to bring them up in the nurture and the admonition of the Lord. We need to write these truths on our doorposts and talk of them as we sit and stand up and walk and lie down. We need to have deep conversations with our kids where we learn what they believe and think and want. We need to reprove sin and lies. We need to do all of this not merely because our kids need it in order to turn to God and not become seared scoffers, but because God commands it of us. It’s how we worship Him in our parenting. My friends, all children respond with knowledge and conviction when they sin . . . at least for a time. But if your kids are responding more and more with callousness, this is a really big deal. Conclusion
So, in conclusion, I want to call you to evaluate your parenting to see if it’s filled with intelligent, informed, intentional, Gospel-filled teaching and reproof.
But I also want to encourage you that if your kids are moving into the scoffer phase, if they’re being seared and experiencing a callous response to their sin . . . please get help. You need an experienced pastor, biblical counselor, or mature discipler to work with you and your kids. Hard-hearted, calloused scoffers are a very different breed that requires a lot of care and attention. Unless you’re experienced working with scoffers, I highly recommend you invite others into the situation. And if you don’t have anyone in your life who can come alongside you at this time, I would be honored to take this journey with you. Please email us at [email protected] or leave a voicemail at (828) 423-0894 if we can help you with the callous kids in your home. I love God, I love you, and I want desperately for you to worship God by helping your kids soften those callouses so that they can be sensitive to the conviction of the Lord. Now, on our next episode we’re going to talk about another response that can be experienced by everyone—saved or unsaved. I’ll see you then.
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